tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55161329302011694342024-02-21T09:32:42.724-08:00Spirit of the RiverThis blog is about different topics that are connected to my life: birds, nature, spirituality, Tolkien and many other things.Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.comBlogger89125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-22458596040088383802017-05-21T23:49:00.001-07:002017-05-21T23:49:43.829-07:00Why work harder when there's no reward at all?I am rather demotivated at the moment. Why work harder than other people if other people in the end get more for less work?<br />
Two volunteers who work a lot less than I do (also as a volunteer) get taken to see a castle this weekend, while I have to work. One of those two is being taken to the second castle. He's been taken on a day trip before. While I have been here since November and haven't been taken anywhere once. Usually, volunteers work five hours a day. But because I am really committed to the animals, I usually work six hours, often seven or eight (as a volunteer, so it's not like I get any money for extra hours). So I work more, but get less in return. How is that fair?<br />
<br />
It's just my life. I often put in so much effort into things, but get nothing in return. I feel like giving up. Why be reliable and hard working if it's just taken for granted? Why put in more effort when people who slack get all the rewards and extra attention?Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-60580360707999386182017-03-19T01:10:00.002-07:002017-03-19T01:10:54.645-07:00Seeking and finding motivation - It needs to come from withinI have known for a long time that motivation is something that needs to come from within yourself. At least genuine motivation needs to come from within your own soul - it is the only kind of motivation that will last. Even though I have known this, I found (and still find) it very hard to keep myself motivated, to keep the spark within alive, to not let the world and the people in it kill my dreams.<br />
<br />
As a writer, I also read a lot. Most books are dedicated to other people, or have some sort of acknowledgment page where authors thank people who support them, people who keep them going, people who motivate them, and so on. For a very long time, I have wished I would have people I could use for these pages. I was wondering whom I would dedicate my books to, whom I would thank. But I could only ever think of fictional and/or famous characters. In real life, there is nobody who supports me with my writing and shows a genuine interest in my ideas or progress (of which there isn't that much at the moment - but at least I am doing a little bit again).<br />
<br />
When people learn that I am a writer, they often just go "Aha." It is not seen as a serious profession. I do earn money as a freelancer, and constantly get offered new jobs. I don't even have to apply for them any longer. There's more work than I need. But my creative writing - the writing I really want to do - is suffering. I could make time to write more of my own things, but while I do not believe in writer's block (you either write or you don't - simple as that), I feel there is a barrier when I want to do my own things.<br />
<br />
Theoretically, I am motivated to write my books. I have done plenty of writing already, and I constantly have new ideas - but I still have issues with working on my books. I am so good at giving advice to others, but following it myself is a different story!<br />
<br />
From today on, I simply have to make myself the promise to not wait for others to support and inspire me. I will simply have to follow a routine - whether I feel like it or not. That is what many successful writers do. Writing needs to be done, it does not happen on its own.<br />
<br />
If you are in a similar situation, I would want you to do the same thing: you don't need a circle of support. You don't need someone to dedicate your book or other pieces of art to. Dedicate it to yourself, or to your future audience. Dedicate it to someone who inspired you. To me, it could be Michael Jackson, Darren Hayes, or Jean-Luc Picard. In the end, nobody cares about your acknowledgement. Many readers won't even read those words - so just focus on what you truly want to do. Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-81168711771411845392017-03-12T00:09:00.000-08:002017-03-12T00:09:16.056-08:00And then it happened... There indeed IS a number 1 Michael Jackson tribute artist<i><b>Something unbelievable happened: I changed my mind about not wanting to call anybody the number 1 Michael Jackson tribute artist. Read on to find out why.</b></i><br />
<br />
<h4>
What has changed - and where have I been for the last few months? </h4>
I haven't written anything on any of my blogs in the last few months -
not on my literature related one, not on the one related to my create
writing, not on the one about chickens, not on this one, not even on the
one I use to write on when there's nobody to talk to but I feel like
communicating. I felt like I could do nothing any longer - that it was
not worth it. Life in general has been challenging to put it mildly. For
reasons I might explain in another post, I am struggling a lot - and I
can't tell whether I just reached a plateau down in the valley of "this
is going nowhere", or whether I am slowly starting to go uphill again. Only time will tell.<br />
<br />
If you have read my entries of the past, you know that I had some issues with some Michael Jackson tribute artists calling themselves the number 1 or being called so by their fans and management. I saw a few of them live, watched them very closely, and came to the conclusion that each of them has strengths and weaknesses when it comes to their act and all-around-package. It has been six years and one day since I saw Kenny Wizz - the first MJ tribute act I ever saw. Unfortunately, Kenny turned out to be someone who looks down on his fans and revealed some less than appealing sides to his character. That doesn't change the fact that he's been putting on a good show, but it definitely stopped me being a fan. I don't even want to look at his pages any longer, and unfollowed every single one. One of his actions (aimed at me, not a general one) demotivated me, personally, so much, that I almost gave up on my dream of finishing my MJ related book.<br />
<br />
Thank the universe that there's Navi. He's got no idea, but he's the one who restored my belief in that I can actually do what I want to do if I only put my mind to it. I just am very hesitant about really putting my trust in him - at some stage in the future I would need an MJ tribute artist's support for an event, but if Navi's reaction would be the same as Kenny's, I would be shattered.<br />
<br />
<h4>
Is Navi the best Michael Jackson tribute artist out there? Why?</h4>
You might already suspect it. I am still not too happy about calling someone the number 1, but two days ago, I went to see Navi (for the fourth time). He had a show in a place called Motherwell in Scotland. It was a bit of a journey for me (one community bus, one local bus, one National Express bus from Aberdeen to Glasgow, and then other local bus to Motherwell - half a day of traveling there, a night's stay in a hotel, and then half a day to travel back "home"). Some people called that dedication. To me, it was more about needing some energy, and for now, Navi just wasn't getting any closer than that. It was definitely easier to see him when I lived in England (and who knows where the future will take me).<br />
<br />
I was awfully tired when the concert started, not only from traveling, but from all the things life had thrown at me in the last few months. Things were so bad that I couldn't enjoy myself as much as I could/should have. When Navi came on stage, some tension left me, but this time, it seemed like even he wasn't able to get right through to me. My heart has put up a big wall around itself, to protect against hope, because hope is a traitor and trusting it just opens you up to more pain - and it turns you into a target for other people who use your dreams against you. If you ever had a dream not a single other person believed in, you might know what I am talking about.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately for Navi and his team, there were plenty of technical problems during that night. I could see that it was getting to him. He had only arrived back from the USA on that very day, and having all these problems on stage after working hard, and traveling, can't have been a pleasant experience. However, he worked through it. And the way he did it, was the what impressed me. He was professional, he did not walk off stage. He did not throw a hissy fit like others would have done. He did his best - and even with technical difficulties he did better than most would under perfect circumstances. I am still not quite sure about the singing. I mean, when you have issues with the microphone, and your voice is suddenly gone, then it's a good sign it might really be live - but I just don't know. I was watching him very closely, but I just am not sure. He can't really be that good, can he? <br />
<br />
Anyway, he put on a great performance - from the movements of his feet to the little moves with his fingers. The little moves show that he knows what he's doing, and that he has control over his body. I still think his song selection could be better - but that's a matter of taste. Not all Michael Jackson fans have the same preferences. His show could easily be longer, too. Kenny seemed to have the best song selection of the lot. And I wish there were more proper costume changes. I am sure Navi would look excellent in the a full "Bad" outfit. Or the black trousers and white shirt - one of my favourite MJ looks. Simple beauty. Again, a matter of preference.<br />
<br />
So while Navi isn't quite the way I would imagine the perfect MJ tribute to be, he's the one who has the best overall package. Others do great shows, too, but then aren't quite living up to it when you meet them after the show (IF you get the chance to meet them). Navi delivers a great show, even when there are problems, and he's friendly. He treats other MJ fans with respect, and never once did I have the feeling that he's looking down on the people who come to his shows. Not being a prick makes a huge difference. Navi just seems to be genuine.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, there wasn't time for a conversation during the meet & greet. The ones with Jennifer Batten were better - but that was with a VIP ticket, so there were less people, and not as much of a need to be rushed through by the manager (or whoever he is). As short as the meet & greet was, it was the one moment that helped me regain a little bit of energy. If someone like Navi is friendly to you, and tells you to take care, you better take care, right? I have so many questions I would like to ask him, and I assume a conversation with him would be an energy boost that could keep me going for more than just a few days - but that's one thing that will never happen. It's not even his Michael Jackson impersonation, I just feel like he's a very good person right down to his core, and you don't meet many people like that in this world. We do need more like him - not impersonators, but genuine, good people. I just hope he's not going to turn out to be like Kenny later on.<br />
<br />
That is what turns Navi into the number 1 Michael Jackson tribute artist to me: he really is a tribute to Michael. Not just with the performance but with his attitude, too. There should be a simple rule: if you're a prick and look down on Michael Jackson fans, you shouldn't be a tribute - because Michael would only want to be represented by good people. At least that's my opinion. <br />
<br />Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-63431484097796738742016-10-22T08:26:00.000-07:002016-10-22T08:32:52.786-07:00Kenny Wizz vs Navi vs Ben - Can there be only one #1 Michael Jackson tribute artist?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Last night, I have been to a place called Stevenage to watch a Michael Jackson tribute artist called <a href="https://www.facebook.com/michaeljacksonben/" target="_blank">Ben</a>.
He was one of only two UK tribute artists I found interesting and
promising enough to spend money on a ticket, transport, and
accommodation (it's too difficult to travel back home with public
transport at night).</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now
that I have seen three different Michael Jackson tribute artists in
person, I would like to write about what they have in common, what made
each of them stand out, and then answer the question: Is there really a
number one? Did one of the two UK tributes manage to do something Kenny
did not do? If you have read my old writings about Kenny, you know that
he's very special (at least to me). </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
will have a look at their looks, their energy during the performance,
the song selection, the costumes, the singing (or lack of it), the
moves, the band & the dancers, the overall feel of the concert, and
the meet & greet after the shows. In the end, I will give my own
absolutely personal opinion about who the number one is or isn't (if you
don't agree, please don't add hateful comments at the end - everyone's
welcome to their own opinion, so let me have mine).</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The looks</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The
first thing you notice when you see a Michael Jackson tribute artist is
their looks. While we are always told not to judge people by the way
they look, it's just part of an MJ tribute to look the part - and they
know it.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">While
I could easily see the difference between Kenny, Navi, and Ben, they
all did an excellent job. You can see the difference - but all three of
them achieve the same effect: they are very nice to look at, they are
convincing. Kenny is the one who uses the most make-up and turns himself
into a completely different person. He's the one you would not
recognize without the make-up. Navi is the one who got some plastic
surgery done to look more like Michael, so needs less sculpting with
make-up and other things, I guess. Ben seems to just not need much. I
don't really know, but he seems the one with the least make-up.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
guess all three of them wear wigs, so not much to say about that. Ben
has very long hair on stage, it looks very nice (as in too good to be
true). Navi has the cute habit of playing a lot with his locks and Kenny
just wears it like it's natural.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The energy during the performance</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The
energy they have on stage is the one thing were there are differences -
even when it comes to different shows of the same tribute, there are
differences. I can't say that about Ben yet. I have only seen him once.
But during that one performance, he gave his all. Compared to Kenny and
Navi, he is a lot younger though, so it shouldn't be a surprise that he
has no (visible) issues. He danced a lot. He moved a lot. No signs of
weakness there. It's kind of like the best parts of Kenny and Navi
combined into one person.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kenny
has a lot of energy throughout the whole experience and in all five
shows I've seen (within one and a half weeks!), he always had that
incredible energy. Not once did you ever get the feeling that he feels
the performance is a burden on him. He just wings it and makes it look
effortless. Yes, there's a lot of sweat (would be a bad sign if there
wasn't) but Kenny managed to make flying drops of sweat look like works
of art. That might sound weird, but he's just that good. Kenny is also
incredibly professional and tough. I know he hurt his wrist during the
first performance I saw - but you wouldn't have noticed it in the
following shows, he showed himself no mercy. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I've
seen Navi twice. The first performance seemed a bit lacking in energy. I
don't know what happened there. I loved his performance, no doubt, but
it was like a shadow was hanging over the man. I just wanted him to have
a break, relax, and cry it out, whatever it was. I guess others didn't
notice anything, but during my first Navi experience, I felt a little
worried. The second show was different. I almost felt like it was a
different person on stage. He seemed to move more, have more energy, and
also.... well, I wouldn't call him happy, but he seemed less "dark". I
don't know what it is, but Navi doesn't smile much when he's on stage.
He seems like a very serious, angry and/or sad version of Michael
Jackson. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The song selection</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
guess other people will have other opinions but to me Kenny is the
winner here, followed by Ben, and then by Navi. Kenny seems to sing the
most songs, followed by Ben, followed by Navi. Navi's selection just
misses many of my favourites. And by many I don't just mean one or two. I
just have one question: Why does nobody do "Blood on the Dancefloor"?
Why? And nobody ever does my favourite song - but that's okay. I doubt
any of them could do it without me cringing for some reason.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kenny
stood out with his performance of "The way you make me feel" (Ben did
stand out with that one, too, to be fair). And while I did not see
Kenny's version of "Human Nature" live, I saw it on videos. Hard to
beat. Almost impossible to beat. Ben is just as good. Navi doesn't do
it, so I can't compare there.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ben and Kenny both did "I'll be there". Navi didn't. Come on Navi. Not even "I'll be there"? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kenny
sang "Ben". He was the only one to sing that song. He was also the only
one to sing "Gone too soon", "Smile", "I just can't stop loving you",
and "She's out of my life".</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
don't remember who sang what in which sequence - and you wouldn't want
to have a song by song playlist anyway. It's just my own personal
opinion that Kenny's shows included more songs. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The costumes</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kenny
wins this one. No doubt. From golden leotard with black trousers
underneath to gold pants, full Smooth Criminal outfit, Dangerous suit,
ripping his shirt at the end of "Black or White", the jackets, the
trousers, the socks, the shirt, the hat, the glove. Right costumes at
the right moment. I think he's the one who changes his costumes most
often. He said he wants to get as close to the real experience as
possible. And damn, if he doesn't do that well with the costumes, nobody
does.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ben
also has great costumes - and wears them very well. The shirts, e.g.
the one for "Man in the Mirror" I liked particularly well. And he
sparkles during Billie Jean. As in: he has glitter or some magical dust
flying all around him. It's beautiful. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Navi has great outfits, too, no doubt - but he mainly changes jackets during the show.</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The singing (or lack of it)</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is the controversial point - as in: I need more facts.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ben
definitely sings live. I have no doubt about that. And he sings very
well. It's amazing. He has no issues with any of the songs - and that
while dancing. The singing is definitely the one point Ben has no
competition but from Michael himself. It's the part about Ben that
really makes you feel speechless.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Navi
does not really sing live. Does he? He definitely doesn't have any
background singers. Apparently, he mimes to Michael Jackson and
sometimes sings over him. This is especially obvious in his old videos. I
wouldn't mind - but I would like to have some more transparency on
this. I prefer the truth more than anything. I loved Navi's performance
(why else would I go and see him again?) - but I also love knowing what I
am looking at. He's so damn convincing - I just don't know what to
think and I hate being confused about something. During the first
performance, he threw me off the idea of him singing live by signalling
towards someone to the side of the stage when difficult sections of a
certain song came up. The following performance, he didn't do that at
all and even went into the audience during just that one particular
section. Which was very weird. I mean, I admit I had a really good look
at his lip and throat movements. I still have my doubts. What the hell
is that man doing? But it really just sounds like Michael himself, so it
probably is Michael. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now
to Kenny. Someone told me, he was not singing live but that his
keyboard player was doing the vocals. Up to that moment, after five
performances, I actually never had any doubts about Kenny's singing. Not
one single doubt. After all, I had been on stage with him during "She's
out of my life". He was singing then. And if you have a look at how he
uses the microphone when he's not using the hand-free one (whatever the
professional name for it is), you see that his movements correspond with
what you hear.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But
then I had a look at some videos. I just didn't like having doubts
about Kenny. It kind of was a matter of destroying my belief into one of
the few good things that happened to me in my life. Kenny Wizz, a liar?
Please no. Yes, the keyboard singer does sing - but isn't he just doing
harmonies / background vocals like some of the other band members? And
when the guy sings a solo part in "I'll be there" he sounds very
different from what Kenny sounds like. Ben's band also sings. And often,
when Kenny is singing, the head of the keyboard player isn't in front
of his microphone, so surely it is Kenny singing? And if Kenny wasn't
singing himself, why would he not choose a perfect singer as his "live"
voice? Because Kenny is far from perfect, depending on the song. He has
issues with some songs. But his singing is absolutely adorable. I also
found a video of a TV interview in which he sings a little during the
interview. Surely that wouldn't be staged? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway, in the end, Ben is the winner here. First of all because there are no doubts, and second of all: he's just that good. </span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The band & the
dancers</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Navi's
dancers and band sometimes looked a bit bored, along the lines of
"let's get this job done, get the money, and go home". It was a bit of a
let down during both shows, but then you have Navi to look at. But you
really could get some more motivated dancers. During the two shows that I
saw, Navi had Jennifer Batten with him, so that made up for the others.
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kenny
had an outstanding team. The band was lovely. The dancers full of
energy during every single show. I got to meet some of them, and after
my last show, they handed me a used drum skin that was signed by the
dancers and the band. It was really a sweet gesture and absolutely
unexpected. When I asked whether the drummer could come out after a
show, I was so surprised that more of them came out. They were ignored
by most of the audience, but I loved meeting them as they had been part
of one wonderful, unforgettable experience.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ben's
team was just as outstanding. Sure, they did not have a New Zealand
guitarist (beat that), but they were excellent and very professional. I
don't know much about bands, but even I could see that that band meant
business. And they had fun. Ben only had two dancers but those women
were just absolutely amazing to look at and full of energy. They clearly
love what they are doing and it makes all the difference. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The overall feel of the concert or: why do I want to see them again?</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Each
of the three made me want to see him again after just one show - so
they all must have done something right. But what was it about each
tribute artist that made me buy more tickets for additional shows? Good
question.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kenny:
He's Kenny Wizz. I can't explain it. If he ever came to the UK, I'd go
to every single show. Fortunately, my work as a freelancer would allow
me to do this. I would need to My bank account wouldn't thank me
though. I would love to see him again. It's hard to explain. He's just
special. He was responsible for a huge change in my life, and for that
alone, I'll be forever grateful.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ben:
His singing, his dancing, his mannerisms. He's perfect. But I've only
seen him once. So who knows, my opinion might chance. I know nothing
about him, but for some reason I think that his connection to Michael
Jackson is a bit more similar to my own than that of the other two. He's
putting his soul into the show. This is also hard to explain.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Navi:
Just like with the other two, I hardly know anything about Navi, but he
might be the one who's a bit like Michael in real life, too. Or he
seems to be someone who would like to be like Michael. I don't know, but
it's kind of something that is radiating from him. Some sort of innate
goodness that is hard to explain.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Great.
It seems hard to explain in all three cases for three different
reasons. But that's okay. The shows of Ben, Navi, and Kenny had one
thing in common though - and that is easy to explain and might be the
main reason why I want to see each of them again: They all made me feel
like I'm not a hopeless case. Each of them made me feel like I can make
my dreams come true. Of course none of them would ever care about my
dreams - but they reach people like me and show that nothing is
impossible. And even if it's a lie, it's nice to live that lie for a
couple of hours. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The meet & greet
after the show</b></span></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">All
three of them usually have meet & greets after the show. Navi's was
a little bit different because due to the presence of Jennifer Batten,
you needed to buy VIP tickets to have access to the meet & greet
after the show (which is not the case when Navi's on his own). This
meant that there were less people and you had some more time than during
the normal after-show meetings. So it might be a little unfair to give
Navi the advantage here. He took me by surprise with the fact that he's
actually capable of smiling. I had my doubts after the first time I saw
him on stage. He was incredibly nice and very kind. I know, it is all
part of his job, but I was really in need of someone being that nice.
Jennifer was also lovely. And during the second time, they remembered
that they had met me before. I am usually not the kind of person
initiate hugs. I am very cautious around people, I don't trust easily
after the experiences I made with people - but for some reason all of
that went out of the window during the first meeting with Navi.
Handshake? Sure thing, but then right in for a hug. I can't understand
it myself. I don't usually do such things.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The
second time, I was more myself again. But well, Navi remembered and
this time he gave me the hug. And then Jennifer, too. I couldn't sleep
all night. Jennifer terrified me with her costumes when I was a kid. But
she's such a sweet woman. I also got into an argument with Navi about
certain countries and which one is better. Both meeting were excellent.
Navi seems to be wonderful, and has a very lovely energy around him.
Very different from angry Michael on stage! To me, he seems like the
kind of person I could talk to - and he'd understand and not
misunderstand like the majority of people.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kenny was also always very lovely during the meetings. Of course, he
always remembered me. He just smelled
incredible. Even sitting in the first row of the concert, you could
smell him. It was the best smell ever. I wonder what he's using?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway,
it's clear he's a very good actor. He's got the Michael Jackson act
down 100%. It's his job, and he's doing it very, very well. I don't want
to write too much more about Kenny. It was just an experience that won't be
repeated unless he comes to the UK. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When
I met Ben, I was surprised that he wasn't that much taller than me. He
had such an immense presence on stage, you just expect him to tower over
you. There wasn't as much interaction as with the other two because
there were a lot of people in the line. Poor guy must be really tired
after such an evening, too. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Nevertheless,
Ben was very nice, had a smile for everyone, and patiently signed
people's things and had photos taken (or both). I didn't have anything
signed. We know what happened after Kenny signed something for me (and
if you don't: the saying he wrote down for me ended up as a tattoo on my
neck. I just like it so much that I wanted it as a tattoo). He knows
that I'll come to see him again because the woman who took the photo
talked to me before and I mentioned I'll be moving to Scotland and then
see him there, too. He seemed to be happy when people want to come and
see him again. It was a short meeting, but very pleasant. He's very
sweet - and seems very young still. He must be younger than me. But
that's good. It means he won't retire any time soon. Just like Kenny,
Ben manages to smile well on stage. And it's not an act, his smiles seem
genuine and they do light up the room.</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<b>So, is there a #1 Michael Jackson tribute artist?</b>
<br />
Most marketing teams like to call the MJ tribute they represent
the NUMBER ONE. The only one to do this, the only one to do that. The
one chosen by Michael. The only one to meet Michael. All rubbish. You
know how marketing works. It's an intricate web of lies and truths that
are made to look better than they really are. Navi isn't the only one
who worked for Michael. Quite a few tribute artists got to meet him. And
even though Kenny never got to see Michael or work for him, Kenny is
excellent. And if Michael had ever seen him, he would have agreed. It
just never happened - does that make Kenny worth any less than Navi?
Absolutely not. At least not in my eyes.<br />
<br />
Each of the
three has strengths and weaknesses (I'm sure Ben has a weakness, too,
somewhere. Nobody's perfect, even Michael himself wasn't). I like all
three of them very much, and while there is no other in the UK that
caught my eye, I am sure that there are some other excellent MJ tribute
artists out in the world. They are all doing an important job for people
like me, and for others who just want to be entertained.<br />
<br />
And
while all three of them are just playing the part, it gives me hope
that somewhere out there, there is someone who really has a character
like Michael and that I would meet this person one day. Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-81542646712398020602016-04-06T11:01:00.000-07:002016-04-06T11:01:57.310-07:00Stuck in the past? People do change - even famous ones like Boy George!<br />
<br />
Today, I got a bit annoyed because I read a few comments on Facebook about how Boy George's voice changed and that he should call it quits. They said something along the lines of him just not being the same any longer. Oh, guess what? He's gotten older, and in my personal opinion, better. It's not 1982 any longer. I was born in 1983, 33 years ago. I am not the same person I was in 1983. Or in 1993. Neither were you. No matter what your age is now, you are NOT the same as when you were 10, 20, 30, etc. years old.<br />
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One fact: <b>PEOPLE CHANGE</b>. Every single one of us changes. If you can't admit that, then you have a serious problem. It's not only our characters that change, but also our voices. People need to stop expecting that people like Boy George never change. Do you want him to only sing "Karma Chameleon" and "Do you really want to hurt me?" all the time? If yes, go, buy those records, put the videos on repeat on YouTube, and just keep your negativity about his development to yourselves. There are so many artists out there - I am sure one of them will be just the way you like them to be - but not forever. Wouldn't it be nicer to support those artists, tell them you like them? Tell them something positive, and spend your time on the positive things, instead of going around on Facebook groups of artists you do not like any longer?<br />
<br />
I, for one, have only recently become interested in Boy George (I wrote about that <a href="http://spiritoftheriver.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/how-boy-george-very-randomly-walked.html" target="_blank">here</a> - so I won't repeat myself). If he hadn't change, if he'd still be stuck in an endless loop of Karma Chameleons, I probably wouldn't have wanted to learn more about him. I absolutely LOVE his current voice. The changes that happened in his life are actually the reason why I find him inspiring. I don't like every single song of his, I don't even know all of them - but I don't go onto the YouTube channels and write "I don't like this." on the songs and videos I do not like. And other people actually become so impolite and horrible when they comment about something they do not like. Why is that so? Why do they focus so much energy on the negative? I can't imagine going to the videos of artists I do not like, and abuse them verbally.<br />
<br />
If you look at your own life, do you not see how you have developed over time? Why does it seem like many people do not give the same right to famous people? Why are they not allowed to change?<br />
<br />
When I listened to Boy George CDs released in later years, I went "What? THIS is Boy George?" I was positively surprised. Amazed even. I love him the way he's now. I also love some of his older stuff (especially when he sings it with his current voice!) And there are plenty others who love his voice. Let us enjoy him. Stop hating changes. For some people, the changes in other people's life can be very inspiring and helpful.<br />
<br />
George showed me, indirectly as I've never talked to him (now, that would be an amazing experience), that you can hit the bottom, get everything wrong, and then get things right, and become even better than before. Changes like that are wonderful. They give people hope.<br />
<br />
<br />Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-79693745500337420292016-03-22T07:43:00.002-07:002016-03-22T07:43:43.498-07:00Some dreams come true faster than you expect - A post about Boy George<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Oh yes, it's partially about Boy George. Accept it and read on, or leave. It is up to you. I'm mainly writing this for myself, because writing helps me. You have been warned. This post might at some stage just turn into "Oh my god, I just don't believe it" nonsense.</div>
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Less than one and a half months have passed since I wrote about <a href="http://spiritoftheriver.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/how-boy-george-very-randomly-walked.html" target="_blank">Boy George, and how he randomly turned up in my life (and dreams)</a>. I have listened to a lot of his music since then, and learned more about his life. I'm not finished yet - there's a lot to catch up on. On one hand, I feel sad that I missed his tours and shows - on the other hand, I'm glad that he turned up when he did. It was a rather dark time in my life - still partially is, because life is not easy at the moment, and not one person around me actually notices or cares. I was close to giving up on many of my dreams. I did not write anything, apart from one or the other freelance job to get some money in. And that kind of writing isn't really what I want to do. With every piece I write in someone else's name, about something could care less about, I lose part of my soul.<br />
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Then, as described in my other post, Boy George happened. I watched a variety of videos on YouTube, mainly ones from the later part of his music career. Of course, he was incredibly cute when he was younger (and now he's absolutely gorgeous), but his more current voice is the one that seems to have a direct connection to my heart. He also seems to be more the kind of person I would get along with now. Maybe. I have no idea - it's not like I'd ever get the chance to find out. My ideas about him might be totally wrong.<br />
<br />
If any of you read my last blog about him, you might remember that I thought about writing a letter to him - I actually did, and enjoyed the process. Though I have no idea whether the letter ever arrived, or whether I even used the right address. But at least I did something I wanted to do, no matter how pointless it seemed to be in other people's eyes. Who cares? It made me feel happier, so it was a good thing to do. Simple as that.<br />
<br />
Boy George has a rather interesting effect on me. A certain performance I saw on YouTube made me cry because his voice in that performance was so loaded with emotions, and combined with the way his eyes looked in that video, it was just too beautiful. One of my thoughts was that if I ever saw such a performance live, I'd probably die. After all, how wonderful must his voice sound without being put through so many different channels (e.g. being recorded, then being sent to the internet, and so on)? I don't know much about the science behind sound, but I am sure live would sound even better. Not many people know this, but for some reason certain voices just have a magical effect on me. Boy George has one of those voices - not only when he sings, but also when he talks.<br />
<br />
Basically, he gives me hope that you can pick up the pieces again after you have fallen and almost broke completely. And sometimes, you can become better than you have been before your fall. I was wondering whether he'd have the same effect on me in real life, what it would be like to see him in person. Of course, getting to talk to him without other people around would be like a dream - but I am realistic enough to know that there are SOME dreams that are just absolutely impossible. Talking to Boy George outside of dreams is one of them.<br />
Interestingly enough, fate seems to be on my side this time. It looks like I will get to see Boy George on a talk show tomorrow. I'll be in the audience, but I never expected that just on THAT date, HE of all people would be there. When I found out about it, I didn't need coffee for the rest of the day. I still can't believe it. It's tomorrow! It's very unlikely that he'll sing, but starting step by step is probably a good idea. I'm not yet ready for a death via Boy George's voice. I'll get to hear him talk live though. It's unbelievable! So, one of my dreams (the most recent one) actually is about to come true.<br />
<br />
The problem is that I am not even sure whether I can call myself a fan. I couldn't see myself as someone standing at a concert, just screaming. I would only want to listen to George's voice. How can people enjoy the quality he delivers when they just scream and screech? There is a place for cheering, of course, but.... if you go to a concert, don't you go to enjoy the music?<br />
Then there are the people who've been following Boy George since I was born (1983). The people who have huge collections and can probably tell you what he did on which day. I am not one of them. Will never be. To me, my appreciation of artists is quite different. Yes, I bought some of his CDs, and am thinking about printing one of my favourite photos of him as a poster to put next to my writing space. I never liked the word fan. Even when I was a Michael Jackson fan, I never liked the word fan to describe my love/admiration for something or someone.<br />
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Enough of this now. You've been warned, it's a rather unstructured piece of writing.<br />
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<br />Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-11917741468938838252016-02-21T02:37:00.001-08:002016-02-21T02:37:47.323-08:00The importance of role models in my life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Most of us do have role models in our life. For some of us, they are members of our family. For some of us our biggest role model is one of our friends. For some of us, the biggest role models are famous people from various careers. Then there are people who claim to not have any role model - but that is a different story.<br />
<br />
To me, my role models were mainly people from the world of music and acting. I simply had nobody in my family who was suitable as a person to look up to. There were alcoholics and people who stood by, doing nothing. As a young kid, my escape was the world of music, books, and TV. In there, I found people who had courage, who were well-spoken, encouraging, creative, and in a way always there for me.<br />
<br />
The first two important role models who entered my life were <b>Captain Jean-Luc Picard</b>, portrayed by the fantastic Patrick Stewart, and <b>Michael Jackson</b>. Jean-Luc Picard was someone I wished to be my father - and you have to admit the man makes a rather good role-model with his ethics on the show. Sure, he did not like kids, but I always hoped he'd like me. I was too young to understand that the man did not really exist. I also believed that Michael Jackson would one day walk into my life and get me out of there. Hence I started learning English at a very young age, teaching myself with the help of music.<br />
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The next big influence came in the form of the warrior princess <b>Xena</b>. I was older then, and understood the difference between reality and fantasy a lot better (but I still hadn't given up on the idea that I would one day meet Michael Jackson). I loved the show, and Xena was a good role model - she was a strong woman in a world dominated by men.<br />
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When I got older, I also started to admire <b>Lucy Lawless</b>, the actress behind Xena, for her activism, her care for the planet, and her general attitude. I was lucky enough to see her live twice. What Xena taught me was that you could get through everything, and that even with a lot of darkness in your past, you can still become successful and change your life around.<br />
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Then <b>Ian McKellen</b> was added to the mix. I initially refused to watch Lord of the Rings because I loved the books, and was sure nobody but Patrick Stewart could be Gandalf. I just thought the movies would be horrible. Fortunately, I was wrong - and became interested in learning more about Ian McKellen. How lovely it was to see how he and Patrick Stewart became such good friends over time!<br />
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The latest two additions to my list of inspiring people were <b>Darren Hayes</b> (I have written about him <a href="http://spiritoftheriver.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/darren-hayes-from-dream-to-reality-how.html" target="_blank">here</a>) and <b>Boy George</b> (I have recently written about him <a href="http://spiritoftheriver.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/how-boy-george-very-randomly-walked.html" target="_blank">here</a>). Both of them came into my life at times during which I needed motivation and inspiration that nobody in my immediate surroundings was and is able to give me.<br />
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While there are also others I like a lot, and who play a role in my life, the above mentioned people seem to have entered my life at very important times. They all had and still have important messages and lessons to me. They - unintentionally - helped me a lot in my life. Some of those people I have met, some I have not (yet) met or seen live. Michael Jackson I never got to see (because my mother did not allow me to go to the only concert I could've seen - just half an hour away by train). However, I got to see a fantastic tribute artist called Kenny Wizz (and unlike Michael, he actually sang everything LIVE) - who also came into my life at a time during which I needed motivation.<br />
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Some might call it coincidence, but I am not so sure about it. Those people all came into my life when I needed someone exactly like them. I do not think that the appearance of Boy George in my life is totally random (though it might seem to from the outside). After all, the man has been around for decades. He could've become of interest to me at any other time in my life - so why now? What can I learn from him? Persistence? Another lesson of how you can get up again after going through some tough shit?<br />
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Did some role models come into your life just when you needed them? If yes, who were they and what did they teach you?Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-85963669867721947472016-02-13T00:22:00.000-08:002016-02-13T00:22:32.391-08:00How Boy George very randomly walked into my dreams and made me write againSome people might find it weird that I like a variety of different music styles and artists, and do not understand how I can listen to some artists and then to some who are so very different from them. It's not for them to understand. It's my interest, my enjoyment, my entertainment. One thing the artists I like have in common is that they went through some very hard times in their lives, and got through it. They also followed their passion for music and put their talent to good use. They show how important it is to not give up. And this kind of message spans genres. For me, an artist who has passion, motivation, and a will to fight means more than someone who is only in it for the fame, for the money, for the compliments.<br />
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I only very rarely add to my list of artists I really admire/love/respect and thoroughly enjoy. Sometimes they are artists who have been around for a long time. Recently, I ended up watching a Culture Club video. Of course, I knew about them. Their music was part of my childhood, but I never really cared. I did not understand them for a variety of reason (not starting to speak English until I was eight was one major reason, and having very conservative parents another). At that time I only had eyes for Michael Jackson and Madonna (which I kind of kept a secret). I don't even know how Boy George ended up on my radar. It was very random. But then I started wondering: "Hm, what is that guy doing these days? Is he still alive? Who is he actually?" So I did some - very superficial - "research".<br />
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I found out that he was a judge for the current season of "The Voice UK". Usually not my kind of show, but I was curious (and I have no idea why I suddenly cared about Boy George). Fortunately, I could catch up with BBC iPlayer, so I watched the first episode, then the second, the following day the third, and since then I watched it every week. Mainly because of Boy George. I don't know why, but he just makes me happy, and I could listen to him talking for hours (and some of you know how easy I fall in love with voices - and how random this appears to others).<br />
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But I still knew nothing about the man. I looked up the Voice Facebook site and saw some vicious comments about him. Some seemed odd to me, about his past. I thought: "I do not really care about his past, but if I want to understand where that hate comes from, I need to learn more." From my experience as a Michael Jackson fan, I knew that there had to be something that makes people talk like this - even if there was no truth to it. I wanted to know what it was about Boy George that outraged some people. I knew nothing. And I never knew more than three or four of his songs.<br />
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So I learned more about him, watched some older interviews, and spent one afternoon just taking it all in.<br />
It was a lot to take in.<br />
I now understood why some people don't like him and think he's not a good person, but I do not understand how people can hold on to something that happened in the past for so long, and judge his character so negatively. He could have done worse things. And it's admiring how he got through his addiction, how he overcame what people call his "downfall", and how he managed to come out of it all as such a beautiful character. The first thing I noticed about him when I saw him on the Voice was the sparkle in his eyes, the joy, but also some deep sadness. I was simply intrigued and deeply touched - and did not understand why. He also made me smile, and even laugh - I basically just enjoy seeing him, and hearing him talk. And I am not a person who simply gets enchanted by people. I like animals more, they are just more honest than people.<br />
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I am tempted to learn more about him - but I also am not sure whether I should. I care about him the way he is now. Do I need to know more about his past? Is it really important? He wrote two books, but should I read them? On one hand, I think I should, because I'm sure there are some relevant messages in those books that might help me along my own way. Maybe his story is the story I need to learn about to be able to overcome the block I face in my life right now.<br />
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All of that research happened yesterday afternoon. This morning, I woke up after a dream I can't really remember. I only know that I had Boy George's eyes in my mind when I woke up and that he was in that dream. I wish I could remember what happened.<br />
I feel like writing a letter to him.<br />
I feel like writing in general.<br />
And you all know how long I have not written on this blog. Last year, I thought my energy was coming back to me, but it was only temporarily.<br />
Will it be different this time?Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-57308670128488510872015-06-14T12:32:00.001-07:002015-06-14T12:32:06.358-07:00Why 50/50 responsibility does not work well in relationships<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Think about one of your closest relationships - with your best friend, your wife, your partner, your mother, any relationship that means a lot to you, even (no, especially if) it sometimes is problematic. When someone would ask you how much responsibility each person has to make the relationship work, what would you say? That it is a 50/50 share of responsibility, or maybe a 60/40 because you should always be willing to give a little more than the other person?</div>
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While the explanations for both answers are understandable, it would be better for everyone if we always took on 100% of the responsibility - without expecting anything in return. I think if we all just stopped expecting too much from each other and took on more responsibility for our OWN behaviour, then many friendships and relationships would work a lot better. The expectation factor is one of the things that leads to many disappointments, bitterness, and even resentment. And if you stop expecting things for every one of your actions and efforts, then you will be positively surprised more often.</div>
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<br />Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-22255677031804705482015-06-11T13:47:00.001-07:002015-06-11T13:47:37.602-07:00Why are some people good at giving advice but then can't follow it themselves?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikWCD8jfcMsQL_dBrQMEMyN5GZVFMf9ph25o_-JdJcXQh6atAzccyMAPswESvP6JLAY0Syc4A3EaJGYrekmXRqRHVGP-vUH0UvR7hWV46fctn_xSBm9Y5FKTLBJjFFVIiezsZn6AxghEg/s1600/allure-520215_640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikWCD8jfcMsQL_dBrQMEMyN5GZVFMf9ph25o_-JdJcXQh6atAzccyMAPswESvP6JLAY0Syc4A3EaJGYrekmXRqRHVGP-vUH0UvR7hWV46fctn_xSBm9Y5FKTLBJjFFVIiezsZn6AxghEg/s320/allure-520215_640.jpg" width="247" /></a>When I look back at some of the articles I have written for this blog, I am wondering why I do have all of those ideas, why I can give people good advice on how to become better people, how to treat themselves, how to be themselves, etc, but then not follow my own advice.<br />And I am sure that I am not the only person who - in theory - knows a lot about life, about how to be happy, about how to act so that you can achieve your dreams in life. But why is it so much easier to help other people? Or to turn the question around: Why is it so much harder to listen to my own advice, i.e. not chase other people and respect yourself enough to not let others treat you like an idiot? Or make time for the things that are truly important to you?<br />Does it ever happen to you that you have good answers to other people's problems, and can even help them very well, but then you look at your own life and wonder why you can't do the same for yourself? </div>
<br />Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-37288334026826943862015-05-30T11:07:00.000-07:002015-05-30T11:07:49.301-07:00Lucy Lawless and a series of dreams (that went on for a few years)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When I still lived in New Zealand, and also during my first year in the UK, I often dreamed dreams that included Lucy Lawless. Not Xena, but the actress herself. Last night, I had a dream that surprised me because I thought my years of dreams about Lucy Lawless were over because the last dream I had about her felt like the end of a series. The dreams were telling me a lot about my life, especially now that I am looking back at them. It once more makes me wonder whether our dreams are more than just random images and stories that come to us at night. </div>
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In the beginning: Lucy Lawless as an unapproachable, distant star</h4>
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My dreams in the beginning were usually set during conventions or shows, e.g. concerts during which Lucy was the singer. I was always only part of the audience, and as much as I wanted to talk to Lucy, and ask her questions about life, I never had the chance to get anywhere close to her. I was simply a powerless spectator who wanted something she could not get. Lucy was the star, I was one of many nobodies. And amongst those many other people, I still stood out as the weird one - because I did not scream and yell, and I was on my own every single time. I was the quiet introvert in the crowd, and within the dream I simply had the dream to talk to Lucy.</div>
Of course, it was also a real life dream of mine to one day be able to have a conversation with Lucy Lawless. Not about her career, not about Xena - but about life, because for some reason I always believed she had the answers I needed.<br />
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The middle: Lucy Lawless as a not so distant star</h4>
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As life moved on, and some small things changed, my dreams also changed. Mind, none of the dreams with Lucy ever was the same. The locations were always different, so were the circumstances.</div>
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After a while, the crowds were smaller, and I had the chance to get a bit closer to Lucy. Yet, there was not a conversation - but it was a small change. I was no longer a powerless spectator. I could move around, and even be within the areas in which Lucy moved around. </div>
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The last dream of the middle stage saw me as a security person who was standing in front of the stage while Lucy was performing. </div>
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The third stage: Small conversations with Lucy</h4>
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During the third stage, which I for months considered the final stage of those dreams, I at last got close enough to have short interactions with Lucy. I saw this as a sign that I was getting closer to being a bit like her, achieving more in my life, being more confident, believing in myself more. Lucy (or in the beginning Xena) was always such a huge role model in my life (since I was a teenager, i.e. for almost 20 years!), but I often felt like I could never get anywhere close to what she is like. In the dreams I moved from being the powerful person in the audience to someone who could communicate with the person who once was such a distant star.</div>
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A new stage of dreams?</h4>
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Last night, or rather in the early morning hours, I had a dream with Lucy. I can remember even the smallest details of that dream. I will not write the full dream down here, it would take too much space. The dream, however, showed me a totally different level of interaction with Lucy.</div>
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I was in the same house with her and the guy who plays Joxer (really? Why?). After a problem, I asked Lucy whether she had just a minute of time for me. She gave me more than a minute, and we went to my room to be away from others. No, nothing gay happened - as I am not gay (unusual for a Xena fan, ey?). It was a good conversation, and after helping me with something, she told me about some of her problems - which was unusual because so far I never thought I could help her in any way. But in this dream, we both were there for each other, helping each other. I wonder whether there will be more dreams like this.....<br />
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Dream vs. reality</h4>
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I wonder whether the dream Lucy might be some sort of spiritual guide, unrelated to the real Lucy. After all, I truly only ever saw Lucy Lawless as part of an audience (twice!)- and now that I am close to London, and not in New Zealand any more, I most likely will never have the chance to talk to Lucy Lawless. How would that happen anyway? There are millions of people who would like to talk to her - and some most likely even deserve it more. I am not that good of a fan to be honest. I don't keep track of everything she does. I don't have posters of her hanging in my room. I haven't even seen all the series and movies she's in (I only watch what I really find interesting genre-wise).</div>
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So my dreams will most likely be the only chance for me to talk to my role model - and without knowing, Lucy helped me to continue becoming a better person. I feel I am quite lucky to have her turning up in my dreams.</div>
Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-20765921769918971352015-05-24T03:13:00.000-07:002015-05-24T03:13:21.611-07:00Eastern Europeans and Western Europeans - are we really that different?<b>What this article will be about</b><br />
In the past few months, I have lived in a place where I get to interact with Eastern Europeans quite a bit. I tend to get along with most people (that does not mean they are friends though), and am interested in different cultures. I used to have a Polish friend when I was a kid, and a Russian best friend when I was 16-22 years old. I also used to get along with people from Eastern Asia, especially the Japanese - but that is another topic. In this blog article, I would like to discuss a few things about the differences between people from different European countries - and whether those differences can be overcome or not.<br />
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<b>What do I mean by Eastern and Western European?</b><br />
Of course, Europe consists of more than just East and West. Some people also make the difference between Central, Northern, and Southern parts of Europe, but to me (in this article) it is about the differences between countries like Poland, Hungary, the Ukraine, Romania, and other countries in that Eastern region (which also includes parts of Russia) and countries like Germany, France, and the UK. Let's not add countries like Spain and Italy to the mix, because that just adds another layer of differences.<br />
Another note: this article is based on my recent experiences - some of them rather confusing -, and if you have any comment on this, please do comment. Especially if you are from Eastern Europe and can enlighten me a bit, or give me a different point of view.<br />
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<b>Problem 1: relationships, friendships</b><br />
One Eastern European guy (from the Ukraine) told me, that in Eastern Europe, friendship between men and women is NOT possible. There is either nothing or a love relationship - nothing in between. I tried to explain to him the different stages from HATE to LOVE, with stages like "dislike", "neutral", "like", etc. He said that something like that did not exist when it comes to relationships between men and women in Eastern Europe. He said it was a Western European thing. But is it? Do men and women in Eastern Europe never form a close friendship that does not include any romance?<br />
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A bit more background: The Ukrainian guy always asks me for advice on the English language, then I am suddenly his friend. But when I ask him about friendship, he says that "a woman and a man CANNOT be friends. WE cannot be friends." So he basically just uses me as a free learning resource, I guess, He also tried to keep me from becoming friends with someone from Poland by always saying negative things about how the Polish guy and I would never get along, and became quite annoyed when he saw that it did not stop me from talking to the Polish guy. And that it did not stop us from actually getting along in a way.<br />
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<b>Problem 2: Do Eastern Europeans see Western Europeans as their enemies?</b><br />
When talking to SOME Eastern Europeans (fortunately not all), it comes across as if they still see Western Europeans (especially the English and Germans) as some sort of enemy, and that there is a lot of bitterness. A Polish man made me aware of some jokes about Poles that are apparently quite popular in Germany (I've never heard them before though, maybe because I never hung out with racist people?), and how Poles are sometimes perceived by other Europeans. During those discussions, I became aware of how unaware I was of all those things. I just never had those ideas (and still don't), e.g. that Eastern Europeans steal, are dishonest, etc. It never occurred to me, and kind of shocked me that Eastern Europeans seem to think that other countries think of them that way. Is it really like that? And do Eastern Europeans still hate some countries for what happened in history? It made me quite sad when someone said that I was their "enemy" because I was born in Germany. But damn it, I wanted to get out of that country since I was kid because I never felt connected to the country - and you'll not get me back to Germany, so I hate it when people judge me because of something I had no control over, i.e. where I was born. Maybe that is the reason why I tend to judge people on things OTHER than their nationality? Am I too naive? Does nationality play more of a role than I believe?<br />
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<b>Problem 3: Politeness in different countries</b><br />
In the last few months, I had some issues with the topic of politeness. I usually try to be polite. In an honest way though. I am not going to say something nice to someone if I do not mean it. But what does politeness mean in Eastern Europe? I tried to be polite, and kind to someone, and he treated me as if I did the most suspicious thing. I know that in Eastern Europe, some things are different, e.g. you wouldn't call someone by their first name unless you know them well (and in England you just call almost everyone by their first name). But what else is a difference in Eastern Europe? How can you show someone from Eastern Europe that you truly respect them for who they are without coming across like an idiot or someone dishonest?<br />
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<b>My view on Eastern Europeans </b><br />
I honestly enjoy having Eastern Europeans around. I love their accent when they speak English (that is if they speak English well enough, and do communicate with me), and I have always been fascinated by Eastern Europe for some reason. Why? I have no idea. Why is my favourite colour my favourite colour? I also do not know. It just is the way it is.<br />
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<b>Friendship between Germans and Poles?</b><br />
One Eastern European person in particular fascinates me, and the conversations with him helped me to understand a lot about life, and myself. And yet, he is the one person that always manages to confuse me when he suddenly starts with his "East vs. West" statements again. From one moment (where I feel like he's a really good friend that I can trust, and who trusts me in a way) to the next (where I feel like he sees me as an enemy he could never trust), things just change. He also does not like it when I want to talk about the confusion ("Why do you always want to talk?" he says). Don't get this wrong: From my point of view, the two of us are friends. At least I know that I see myself as his friend. If he needed my help with something I can realistically do (and which does not involve harming any animals), I would help him. I see myself as connected to him, and once I feel that way, I am a loyal friend. But I would lie if I said I understand him. I don't - but I want to. And I wonder whether it's just the Eastern European issue that keeps a certain distance between us or something else.<br />
Is it possible - over time, with patience, and honesty - to overcome problems that arise from two people being from two different countries with different cultures, ideas, and ideals?<br />
As already mentioned, I used to have a Polish girl as a friend when I was a kid. But I guess things are different when you are younger. Children care less about countries. Why can't we all be more like children? Less judgemental? More interested in having fun and getting along? More interested in loving and being loved than making others feel bad about who they are?Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-51874433037981622832015-04-21T04:59:00.001-07:002015-04-21T04:59:42.534-07:00"I knew it would happen" - trusting your intuitionSometimes, a voice inside of you tells you something - you know that things will develop a certain way. Your intuition, your guts, your heart, whatever talks to you in those moments, tells you. Sometimes we do not want to accept that we already know things. We hope that they might turn out differently - that our inner voice is wrong. And then, a while later, things do indeed turn out the way we thought right in the beginning. Does this ever happen to you? If yes, do you trust your inner voice, or do you go against it?<br />
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In the last four months, I knew that there was a development going on that would mean something negative for me. I KNEW it, I just knew. I did not want to believe it. I hoped against all odds that my inner voice was wrong, and that I would be proven wrong. That for once things would have a more positive ending for me - instead of me having to watch other people having a happy ending (not the first time that this happened). Unfortunately, I was not wrong. Now I tell myself I should have stopped contact to certain people in my life ages ago, instead of holding on to wrong beliefs.<br />
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There is also something else I had a strong response from my inner voice - about a certain person I deal with almost every day - but that time it seemed to be completely wrong. The outcome, if the voice would have been right, would have been a positive one. One that would have been a balance to the bad development. I was hoping for a new friend, but the last few days have shown that this is just not possible.<br />
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So how do you know when your inner voice is right? To me, it seems to be most often the case when it is about things going wrong. Maybe the other inner voice is just a hopeful dreamer who would love to see things go a certain way. That voice is often wrong.<br />
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At the moment, I am at the stage where I just want to completely give up on people. I am too old for all those games. For the lies. The throwing of a few crumbs. For seeing other people have a happy ending while I am just the third wheel. For being just a gap filler if there was time where nobody else was available. I am worth more than that. At least in my own eyes. For other people, of course, I am not worth more. Isn't it better then to focus on animals and books?Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-81864901345585043472015-04-20T06:06:00.000-07:002015-04-20T06:06:43.543-07:00Black out the sun<br />
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Yesterday, the first moor hen chicks appeared around the pond, and the ducklings will most likely not be far away either. The world around me is filled with new life. The flower bulbs I planted also break through the soil, the trees have leaves again, and many are in bloom right now. The sun has been shining for a few days in a row - and yet, the beauty around me is tainted by a few negative things. It is a bitter-sweet time of endings and new beginnings, though I am not so sure yet what those new beginnings will be.<br />
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Someone who means a lot to me, but to whom I mean virtually nothing, will soon leave - and while the whole story is quite depressing and sad, this stubborn man has taught me some very important lessons in honesty, people, and how much better it is to keep your distance. In the last few months, I had gradually put some doors and windows in the walls that protect my soul and heart, and I regret it. It is a weakness to become attached to other people, especially when your thinking self already knows that you'll just end up hurt, even if the other people don't have malicious intentions. Sometimes it is just that they do not care, and that you care too much even if you have only ever talked to someone a few times. And yet, seeing that one person leave, and having been disrespected by him in the last couple of days, hurts. Even though other people told me right from the start that he was not the best person to be around, and they could not understand that I wanted to try and be his friend.<br />
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My experiences with people in recent times just taught me that it is wrong for me to even try. I took on some extra work here, an additional day - even though I thought I would focus on my own writing from now on. I also took on some other writing jobs as they will keep me busy. At the moment, I don't know whether I want to continue with my novel. Maybe I will start a novella, something shorter, something with a completely different topic because I don't feel like tackling the big novel at the moment, especially because I don't want to deal with many of the topics in it. The novella I could just use as an outlet for some of the things that go through my head - but definitely it will not be published under my own name. Because if my books ever become popular, then I don't want people to connect me to them - I don't want people to turn up in my life just because I'm a writer.Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-34614372077003071722015-04-18T10:39:00.000-07:002015-04-18T10:39:29.519-07:00Don't let others define you - know your OWN values<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Do you know your own values or are you defined by what you "should" be? Other people have ideas about how we are supposed to be ever since we were little. Be reliable, be punctual, be caring, be friendly, be social, etc. We each have learned what kind of values are expected. Our families, friends, teachers, bosses, and co-workers are often quite influential - sometimes so much that we don't feel quite right, never know our own values, or hide them because we feel like they are not valued by other people.</div>
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People who know their own values, and act accordingly are usually the people you look up to, and who feel different from the others. How many do you know? I.e. the people who don't define themselves by other people's value, and who do not define themselves by their success or their financial possessions? </div>
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Being a person who is different from others is not always easy, but knowing your own values helps you a lot. They can be your inner compass, and they will show you the right way when "thinking you" and "feeling you" are at war once more. If you know your values - your very OWN values - then you will usually know what to do and which decisions to make.</div>
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I know that my top values are loyalty (above all others), honesty, reliability, creativity, respect, and kindness towards animals (yes, you've read right - and people who are kind to animals are usually kind people in general). Those values have helped me to make some decisions during the last days. I had to ask myself many questions, and fortunately was able to find answers to them. One of the questions was whether I should let people treat me like a pigeon or duck in the park: throw a few crumbs every now and then, laugh at the antics of the animal, and then walk away again, thinking that the ducks will always be there next time they return. The answer was a clear no. I value loyalty and reliability - and they are top values for me. Other people do not put those two values up so high, and that just clashes with my values. I had to be honest to myself - not always easy, but necessary. Remember my other post about saying no so that you can say yes when the right things happen? I listened to my own advice this time.</div>
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What about you? Do you use your values as a compass? How willing are you to let others use your values as a doormat?</div>
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<br />Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-26825312663308249512015-04-12T14:07:00.000-07:002015-04-12T14:09:11.369-07:00The only person who needs to be impressed by you is yourself<b><i>Warning: This is another unedited post. I just wrote down some of the things that are on my mind. Sorry for any mistakes - but this post is what it is! </i></b><br />
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Most of us make the mistake of trying to impress other people - and often we do stupid things to be "liked":<br />
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<ul>
<li>we drink too much to be accepted</li>
<li>we speak words that should not be spoken just to fit in</li>
<li>we hide who we really are</li>
<li>we go to parties we do not want to go to</li>
<li>we take part in activities we do not enjoy</li>
<li>we basically let other people lead us around on a leash - like a puppy.</li>
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This is all wrong. Do you really think the people who need to be impressed in that manner are the right people to have around? Do they make you happy? Do they feed out their affection to you as if they were throwing crumbs to pigeons in a park (thanks to Darren Hayes for that image)? Then they might not be the right people to have in your life.</div>
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I found that you need to make sure that you YOURSELF can look into the mirror, at your actions, your words, and your life and say: "Yes, I did the best I could do. I am happy with my decisions. I can even be proud about some of them." Can you do this? Or are you a puppet that dances to other people's wishes? Are your friends really your friends?</div>
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I might be wrong, but I think that if you want to have the right people in your life, you first need to be one of those people yourself. You attract the right people by being someone they would want to have in their life. Do the right things, live an honest life, be honest, be who you are, and do what you can to achieve your dreams. Respect yourself, and also respect others. Don't let a group of other people pull you into something wrong just because you want to be accepted - because while you do that, the right friend might be around the corner, and you walk past him or her because you are too busy living a lie.</div>
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I made that mistake - and it taught me a painful, but important lesson. I need to listen to my own inner voice more often - not to the things other people want me to believe.</div>
Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-62458181682550909542015-04-04T10:16:00.000-07:002015-04-04T10:16:09.838-07:00Say "no" to the wrong people so you can say "yes" to the right onesAcceptance, respect, friendship, love, safety - those are things most of us want at a certain level. Some need one of them more than the others, and can live with lower levels of the others. Unfortunately, we often do not get some of those, and some unlucky people struggle their whole life with even feeling safe or accepted in their relationships, be it with friends, family or lovers. We often make compromises, say yes to things we do not want to do - just to please others, make them like us more, make them accept us more, hoping that one day things would be different, and that the constant struggle for TRUE respect and love would be over.<br />
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<b>Let me get one thing right out of the way: if you have to fight for other people's attention, then just forget about it. They do not care that much. It should not be a constant fight for attention. Respect and love yourself enough to see when you are chasing the wrong person. Everyone who needs chasing IS the wrong person. The right people want to be in your life, no matter what. But at the same time do not make the opposite mistake: do not turn into a person that needs to be chased. Always be honest with people if you notice they want more of your attention than you want to give. It is hard, but the kinder thing to do in the long run.</b><br />
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Let's take the constant struggle of most introverts: you want to be friends with other people, some of them most likely extroverts. They want to take you to events, to parties, to places with many people. As an introvert you immediately feel like your own company is not enough for them (why else would they need something to keep busy otherwise?), but yet you often say "yes" to the event even though you would rather read a book, listen to Darren Hayes all day long (well, almost all day long...), go for a walk in a quiet place, or just sleep. You hope that this will improve your chances to be liked and accepted. But guess what? It will not make you happy, and you will also not feel more liked by torturing yourself. And ask yourself: Do they say "yes" to the things you would like to do just as often as you say "yes" to them? Probably not. Do they make you feel like you are boring? Most likely yes. Then stop saying yes to them. If it is always such a constant struggle, it is likely they are not the people you need in your life. And if they tend to make you feel like you might as well not be there, then it is even more of a pointer into a different direction.<br />
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I made the mistake of saying "yes" to a lot of things in the past. And what is the result? Do I now have loyal, trustworthy friends in my life that have been in my life for many years? No. I only wasted time on people who never appreciated me for who I am to start with.<br />
I know from experience that saying yes is not always right, and sometimes you need to be brave and honest enough to say no. The people who actually like you will not judge you for it, and will stay in your life. They will actually try to find out what YOU want to do for a change, and they will make an effort to do these things with you. You need to say no to the wrong people, so you can say yes to the right person. Who should turn up at some stage. Yes, with this one I do not yet speak from experience - but I have learned that I would rather be alone than spending time with people who make me feel boring, unlovable, and stupid.<br />
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Another point is that you should always be careful about whom you put your trust in. Of course, we all have the desire to talk to someone if we have a problem - no matter whether it is very serious or just an everyday problem. Sometimes the desire to talk to someone can be painful, and it can tear you apart inside. But is it better to open up to someone who then makes fun of your feelings, and calls you stupid, or plays down your feelings by turning the whole conversation into a conversation about themselves and the experiences they have made? No, it will not make you feel better or happier. Also say no to trusting the wrong people. If you feel uncomfortable about talking to a person about a problem, then don't. It is likely that you will regret it. It might even be that the other person tells others about what you have told them.<br />
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I have been listening to a lot of Darren Hayes recently. Well, for the last few days. It has changed a bit in my life. I ask myself why I let people treat me like my opinion is worth less than theirs. Like my time is worth less than theirs. Why my feelings are worth less than theirs. Why I let them make me feel like I do not even deserve their attention, understanding and time. Why I let myself down. Why I put myself in situations that I do not like, that make me feel uncomfortable. Why I still even try. Why I let others judge me by where I was born. Why I let others make decisions for me.<br />
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Because the friend who would understand me, who would keep my secrets, who would just enjoy time with me without any distractions, who would just be there without being demanding, without belittling me and my ideas - that person might just be around the corner while I deal with people who wouldn't even miss me if I was not part of their lives.Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-8365315190179351712015-03-31T11:47:00.000-07:002015-03-31T11:48:08.181-07:00Darren Hayes: From dream to reality - how one voice changed everything<div>
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The regular readers of my blog now that things have been going downhill for me in the last few weeks. There was a hole in my heart from which hope was constantly draining. Or rather: there were so many cracks in it that nothing could be done to keep it either from breaking apart or turning into a hollow shell.</div>
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<b>A dream</b></div>
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Then, about a week ago, I had a dream that I only partially remembered when I woke up. The most vivid part of it was that I stood at the side of a stranger at night time. It was not truly dark, the colours around us were mainly blue, purple, and black. And of course the white stars in the sky. The stranger was a man I had never seen before, yet he seemed very familiar. I know that he was some sort of spiritual guide in that dream as the surroundings were quite unreal. The closest explanation would be a black sand beach at night with a very interestingly coloured sky. There was no ocean though. It was a very unusual location for one of my dreams. I had never been there before. The man with dark-blond(ish) hair did not even say a thing, or maybe I cannot remember that part of the dream. I only remember that there was a very strong, deep connection, not a romantic one, but something completely different. </div>
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At the end of the dream, he was very close to me, our faces almost touching as he stood next to me and pointed towards the stars, The arm that did the pointing was on top of my shoulders reaching around me, so that's how we were close (I know that might not be the best way to describe it, but you might get the picture). He wanted to be sure I was looking at the right thing. It was just a dream, but the atmosphere in the dream, and that one moment - that was one of the best "memories" of my life. It was short, but perfect. And of course, when I woke up, I was a bit annoyed about not remembering all of the dream.</div>
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<b>A few days later....</b></div>
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Just a couple of days ago, I was watching some Xena music videos (fan made) because I felt like a little bit of Xena but did not want to watch the series. One video I loved a lot. I watched it a couple of times, but when I hit replay again and again, and had the video running in the background without looking at the video itself, I realized I did hit replay because I wanted to listen to the song again and again. This came to me as a surprise because it hasn't happened to me for a long time that I was so instantly attracted to a voice. Actually, it never happened but with Michael Jackson - and that was when I was only eight years old. I'm 32 now.</div>
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The song that was used was by a man called Darren Hayes. The title was "Insatiable" (yes, you can imagine what kind of Xena music video that was). I was curious, I never heard that name before. I put the name into YouTube's search field, and got a list of videos. The video with the title "Black out the Sun" interested me - simply because of the title. </div>
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What I did not expect was that I suddenly saw a setting similar to the one my dream, not the same, but similar - and the man who had been in my dream. It was a very surreal feeling. And the lyrics of the song very much described what I felt like.</div>
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<b>Breaking a broken heart completely</b></div>
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To say I was intrigued would be an understatement, so I watched the video a few times (because it is just beautifully done - visually, and then add the song to it - just amazing). Then I thought "Okay, let's see what he is like live." Oh god, did I regret that decision for the first few moments. I don't know what made me choose that one particular video, but the first few seconds, listening to that voice, absolutely shattered my heart - or rather melted it into something that was then transformed into a reasonably intact heart that had less leaks through which hope could escape. It took a few hours (yes, hours) of watching Darren Hayes music videos and performances though. I don't know how to describe it - and for most other people he won't have the same effect, I guess, but for me it was the one voice I needed. The voice combined with the lyrics, the music, the movements, everything.</div>
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Then YouTube recommend a video that told me "Darren Hayes of Savage Garden", I was slightly amused, because of course I knew about Savage Garden, but at that time did not really pay much attention to what was happening in the charts (I guess that never changed about me). I heard them in the radio. I just never really knew what they looked like.... But it does not matter.</div>
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<b>The following two days</b></div>
<div>
I learned a bit more about Darren, and that I had missed him while he was living in London. I arrived in London too late! I guess it is some curse of my life that I arrive too late all the time (be it in other people's lives or in places). There is always hope though, so I sent a tweet to Darren, not thinking that he'd actually reply. To my surprise he actually DID reply. At that time I had only known about him for a few hours. Of course I didn't tell him that I dreamed about him - that would have seemed a bit odd (even I thought it was odd).</div>
<div>
In the two days after I "first" heard Darren's voice, I haven't felt sad at all. Of course, I didn't turn into a super positive person, and still have my doubts, fears, and negativity - but I can deal with it in a better way. I also am writing more actively on my own book again. Darren also indirectly gave me some more ideas to put into the novel that helped me to fill in some plot holes I had issues with. And there was that one character who had been more or less nameless for years because I never found the right name. He is a very important character, and very dear to me - but finding a name was impossible. In the last few months I named him Luke - after Luke Evans, who played Bard the Bowman. But it was not the right name. I think I found the right name now, a name that feels fitting. At last. Not having a name for the guy was so annoying!</div>
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<b>The future?</b></div>
<div>
My future will still be very challenging - because I am basically still homeless (wandering from one place to the next - but (some of) you know the story), and have not yet found the one person I could really talk to about what is on my mind. However, it all looks a bit lighter now - like the black sky is suddenly full of stars. I might still be able to make my dreams come true.</div>
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And I honestly hope that Darren would one day perform somewhere close to me - my friends know that I don't like places with many people, or loud places (i.e. concerts aren't exactly my ideal environment), but that man is one person I would like to hear and see live one day. Via a computer or a CD, you can hear the voice - of course - but there still is a barrier. I would like to experience what his voice is like without that barrier even though that might just leave me as blabbering idiot (just joking - or maybe not).</div>
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And that, my dear readers, is the reason why I had/have such issues with singers and musicians (as in being terrified by them). I knew that there was at least one out there whose voice would do this to me. I just never knew that this power could be used for good. I was always worried that such a voice would merely completely break my heart. I never expected it would also heal at the same time. Thank you, Darren. Please sing again.<br />
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And here is the video.<br />
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Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-71220664297367812872015-03-29T03:37:00.000-07:002015-03-29T03:37:03.258-07:00Coincidences or fate?Sometimes things happen in your life, and you wonder whether they are mere coincidences or whether there is more meaning to what happened. After all, many things happen during a day, during a week, etc. Every single hour usually has something else happening in your life - and to some events you never give much importance or thought. But some things happen at certain times, and you ask yourself: "Is this supposed to tell me something?"<br />
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As I only have very few regular readers on this blog, hardly anyone will have noticed that there has been quite a long gap between a very active time and my latest posts. One fact about me is that it is never a good sign when I stop writing at all. Even if I write something negative, as long as I write, I haven't yet given up on things. The last few weeks were not easy for a variety of reasons, and in the last week especially, things did not look well.<br />
<br />
However, just that someone took the time to read some of my rather old posts and even take more time to write thoughtful comments on it, and Michael Jackson also somehow sneaked back into my life. I still don't know how to solve some of the problems without miracles happening, but at least I start to feel a little better again. I might have to try and find some Michael Jackson fans in London, maybe they would be a good connection for me.<br />
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What do you think? Are coincidences just coincidences?Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-51199182565363167432015-03-21T12:05:00.000-07:002015-04-12T14:14:40.286-07:00Where I am at the moment....I haven't been blogging lately - and so far nobody missed my blog, so I guess it's not such an issue. I need to do some writing this evening, or rather, I would like to talk to someone, but there is nobody who would understand my thoughts, and I won't utter them here either, but it'll be good to just do some writing.<br />
<br />
I have recently moved (yes, once more).People who know me either online or offline always seem to think my life is easy, and I'm content because I never have a break-down in front of anybody, because I am strong, and because I still manage to appear confident and positive when I interact with people - but basically it is not true. I have tried to explain my situation to people, but they just do not get it simply because they have never experienced anything close to what I have experienced, and after a while, I just give up on trying to explain. It drains my energy even more. I always hoped that one day there would be somebody who truly understand without me having to explain things again and again. But I think in the last few days I truly arrived at the point where I realized that it's not going to happen.<br />
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People listen to what I say and then try to find something similar in their lives, and then tell me about it - as if it was the same thing.<br />
<br />
And once more I am in a place where I have to deal with new people all the time, with people who always ask questions. When they hear about me having lived in New Zealand for so many years, they ask why I left, and why I even stayed there so long, etc. I have gotten used to harden myself against these questions, and just reply briefly, without too many details, without the pain. After one year away, I try to not even think about it too much any more myself. After all, I also did not find what I was looking for in New Zealand. I should have always stuck to my original plan, but I guess it's many years too late for that. You cannot turn back time.<br />
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It doesn't mean that I am a very negative person - more of a realist I would say. And it's realistic to say that there will never be a person who will even want to understand me. Who has the patience to do so, or who would want to help me with a dream I have. It just won't happen. So I need to cross it off my list forever, that one wish I never talk about in detail - and no, it's not even about love, I don't believe in that any more. My heart has been broken one too many times, and the last time, very recently, will have been the last. My heart is a deceiver, a traitor, some being that doesn't know right from wrong obviously.<br />
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I just have to focus on saving money, then finding a place to live, and just write, earn money with writing, write my book, and just reduce my contact with real people to as little as possible. I'm just not made for this extrovert world, and I'm sick of being told to be different.Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-64153345272777606762015-02-16T02:06:00.000-08:002015-02-16T02:06:17.652-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUSwkz_Ol2ic6NyRERnl62Ezjt8mC6n4JVDNf7ab_57tleRCdJrkNWhqPmJGHWGY3NULNX8Q12J4E0-5p1L4N1B3iE9fDDz2RqWmK9czTPeB6wJR_5yzBaLss3jVsqdDSXxTUqQVQeT-8/s1600/heart.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUSwkz_Ol2ic6NyRERnl62Ezjt8mC6n4JVDNf7ab_57tleRCdJrkNWhqPmJGHWGY3NULNX8Q12J4E0-5p1L4N1B3iE9fDDz2RqWmK9czTPeB6wJR_5yzBaLss3jVsqdDSXxTUqQVQeT-8/s1600/heart.JPG" height="175" width="320" /></a></div>
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A quote</h4>
<br />When I was reading a wonderful book called "There is no Fear (Children of the Knight Vol. 3)" by Michael Bowler, I came across a line that inspired me to write this post a few months ago. Yes, this is actually an older post from a blog that used to have on WordPress. But it still feels relevant, and I know I have more readers on here than on Wordpress. So I am editing the post to re-use it here.<br /><br />The quote was the following:<br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>"Sometimes saying the things we've not been saying [...] was the hardest thing in the world to do."</b></blockquote>
<br />The quote is a thought from Lance, the main character, who thinks about his feelings for his best friend. Feelings that he hardly ever puts into words, partially because he has problems with accepting them, and is afraid of what would happen if he spoke those words. He is afraid of being judged, misunderstood, and rejected by someone who means a lot to him.<br />The things we do not say - and why we do not say them<br /><br />The things people do not say to each other play an important part in the series "Children of the Knight". Another quote is<br /><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>"It's the things we don't say to each other that make all the difference."</b></blockquote>
<br />I know the meaning behind those quotes only too well. I also know the inner conflict that comes with feelings that are left unspoken, feelings that you enjoy but that you do not want to show because you are afraid of being pushed away, of being misunderstood, of being rejected, of being ignored or even ridiculed for your honesty. Or even being called a liar because the other person does not want to believ you. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone the truth about your feelings, be they positive or negative, esp. if you don't know what the other person feels for you. Sometimes we simply cannot find that courage, maybe because we have been hurt too much before when we were honest. The reason why we stay silent can be manifold.<div>
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Wanting to say something positive</h4>
<br />In the case of feeling very positive towards a person (it doesn't have to be the romantic type of love), you sometimes just would love to tell that person. For some reason you just feel so very positive about someone, you are filled with happiness and your soul is full of light.<br /><br />When you know that the other person already is your friend, or a close family member, then it's usually not much of a problem. But when you have just met someone a while ago, and you are not sure whether the other person would be interested in staying in touch with you, or even becoming a new friend, then it all is a bit different. The options are that you either communicate your feelings and face either rejection, acceptance, or being ignored (the worst case in my opinion), or that you say nothing at all and lose the contact to that person anyway. Of course, in the latter case you could hope that the other person would take the first step - but this might very likely not happen, maybe because he or she has the same problem like you, or because they simply do not like you. In any case, you would not find out. The chance would be lost.<br /><br />But what happens if you are courageous enough to take the first step, and to make your feelings known (even if not the full extent)? You can either get a positive response, a negative response, or you might get no response at all. Being honest is the only option you have if you want to have a chance at something positive. However, for some of us the risk of the other two options is just too much to bear.<div>
<br /><h4>
Should we just give up on saying the things that are important to us?</h4>
<br />It might be easier just to be the passive party in all of our relationships. The problem would then be that you might miss out on some of the best friends you could find in life - just because both of you were too afraid to say what you both wanted to say. Even if it's just something like "Wow, I would like to talk about that a bit more, could we stay in touch somehow?" A simple question like that will give you the chance to find out whether the other party is interested in staying in touch, too. They might be, they might be not. They might also be lying about wanting to stay in touch. You simply can't predict what will happen. Even if there have been many negative experiences in the past, you should not give up. After all, if the other person says "no", then you only lose a person that isn't interested in you anyway - and if they say "yes", then it might be the start of a very beautiful friendship.<div>
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I know....</h4>
<br />I know how hard it is to be honest about your feelings. I know what it is like to be really interested in someone (for a variety of reasons). I know how vulnerable you feel when you open up to someone, and how scary it can be. I recently have made two rather disappointing experiences - and that only after I found the courage to actually be honest in a long time. For a while I believed I would never tell anyone I liked them before I wasn't sure they felt the same. I didn't want to ask anyone to be my friend because I was (and still am) terrified of rejection and being made fun of.<br /><br />Last year (2014), I told two people who were very important in my life, what they mean to me (one of them I told everything, the other one I only tried to establish some sort of contact after we met). One of them simply never got back in touch with me (his loss), and the other person for a while simply pretended that she was interested in the friendship, too, but then it slowly came out that it was not the truth.<br /><br />So my success rate with people is not that high. I tell myself to assume nothing. They might have reasons that have nothing to do with me at all. But it is easy for me to fall into the thought that they do not reply because they think I'm a boring person they would not like to have around / stay in touch with. It's easy for me to beat myself up verbally, to believe that I'm simply not worth it. This is something I need to work on. I guess it's something many people need to work on. At least I can tell myself I did my part. I was honest. And receiving no answer is also an answer.<br /><br />Recently, with all those Hobbit fans, I almost made the mistake of not talking to some people I really wanted to talk to. One person I was very interested in, but did not want to talk to because I thought - without even having talked to him once - that there's no chance at all, not the slightest! Fortunately, a friend of mine didn't really have those concerns, "made me" talk to him, and to my surprise I'm still in touch with that one quite intriguing person - and he even introduced me to another interesting person. <br /><br />Another person I almost missed out on was a cosplayer who cosplayed a character I tried not to like (Thorin Oakenshield - because I knew what was going to happen to him). When I first met the cosplayer, I did not even know whether it was a he or a she. When I ran into Thorin a few days later in the female restroom, the question was kind of answered.... We started talking, and if she didn't live in another country, we'd probably turn into the best of friends.</div>
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<h4>
Your experiences</h4>
<br />What are your experiences with unspoken feelings and thoughts? Do you prefer to be honest at all times, or do you keep a lot to yourself even if it's something quite positive? Are you waiting for the other person to take the first step? But what if the other person has the same concerns?</div>
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Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-68542747173054058992015-02-16T01:45:00.000-08:002015-02-16T01:45:14.501-08:00My connection to animals<div style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 0.825em;">
One thing people usually learn about me quite early is that they should never underestimate my love for animals (especially birds). Though I have learned to keep my enthusiasm in check most of the time, and usually only show my true love for animals when I am around people I feel comfortable with (if I ever tell you the whole story of Frodo, then it means I trust you!). I'm the kind of person you'll find in the kids' zone in a zoo, petting a goat, and being happy like a child (note: I usually prefer other settings than zoos though - and some zoos deserve to be shut down, but that's a topic for a different blog). I'm the kind of person who goes out of her way to help animals in need, and also the kind of person who often prefers the company of animals to the company of people. Let me explain why that is so.</div>
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<dl class="wp-caption aligncenter" data-mce-style="width: 310px;" id="attachment_227" style="-webkit-user-drag: none; background: rgb(238, 238, 238); border: none; clear: both; font-style: inherit; line-height: 1.7; margin: 0.4em auto 1.625em; max-width: 96%; padding: 9px; text-align: center; width: 310px;">
<dt class="wp-caption-dt" style="-webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 15px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; line-height: 1.7;"><a data-mce-href="https://mymorninghours.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/img_0055.jpg" href="https://mymorninghours.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/img_0055.jpg" style="-webkit-user-drag: none; color: #1b8be0; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.7; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="My lovely rooster Frodo, who died a few weeks ago in New Zealand. And I am in England. I wish I could have been there for him during his last days." class="size-medium wp-image-227" data-mce-src="https://mymorninghours.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/img_0055.jpg?w=300" height="200" src="https://mymorninghours.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/img_0055.jpg?w=300" style="-webkit-user-drag: none; border: 0px none rgb(238, 238, 238); color: #222222; display: block; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: 1.7; margin: 5px auto 0px !important; max-width: 98%; padding: 0px;" width="300" /></a></dt>
<dd class="wp-caption-dd" style="-webkit-user-drag: none; color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, serif !important; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px 0px 0.6em !important; padding: 0px 0px 5px 40px; position: relative; text-align: left;">My lovely rooster Frodo, who died last year in New Zealand. And I am in England. I wish I could have been there for him during his last days.</dd></dl>
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Animals make good friends and good companions. I know there are people out there who believe animals have no souls, no feelings, no intelligence - but I definitely do believe that animals are intelligent, and do have feelings. Though I have my doubts about cats sometimes....</div>
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Of course, communicating with animals is not as easy as talking to people who speak the same language. But when you look at human communications, you need to ask yourself: Is it really that easy, and that straight forward? To me, it is not. I often leave words unspoken, avoid certain topics, and often wish that people would be easier to deal with. When it comes to people, I often worry that my words will be misunderstood, too much or too little read into them. And when you are friendly to someone, they often suspect that you are being friendly because you have a hidden agenda, or would like to get something from them. But to me, when I thank someone, when I tell someone something positive, I usually just do so because I honestly mean it. When I like people, I would love to be able to tell them, just because I want them to know - not because I expect anything from them. There are people out there to whom I would like to say so much more, but I don't - because these days it is so easy to be misunderstood. And once you have to start explaining, even defending, why you say something nice, the words lose their value a little, don't they? I have made horrible experiences with people after saying something honest and nice (and no, not talking about declarations of love here!), but I've never had such an experience after saying something nice to an animal.</div>
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You can be nice to animals, you can tell them you care - and they will not take it the wrong way. You can show your love to them, and they will not hate you for it. Of course, animals can be quite "rude", and not care much about what you feel or say - but at least you know that a rooster, for example, might be a snob one day, but the loveliest darling the other day. This was the case with my dear Frodo. Most of the time, I could just pick him up, or sit next to him, and he would hang around. He was a good chap. But he also had some days where he just gave me a dirty look and walked away. He died a few weeks ago, and I'm quite sad about it, he was a good friend, a very fine rooster.</div>
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Other animals (dogs, cats, even goats!) also have that one great advantage that you can hang out with them without having to be someone you're not. You don't need to impress them. They either like you or they don't. Simple as that. Fortunately, animals usually tend to like me (especially goats for some reason, they are such cuddly, lovely animals!). I like the company of animals. You can sit down on a couch, or next to a tree, and the animals will either join you or they won't. If they join you, they simply are with you, no hidden motivations (well, unless it's a cat).</div>
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<dt class="wp-caption-dt" style="-webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 15px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold; line-height: 1.7;"><a data-mce-href="https://mymorninghours.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/img_0928.jpg" href="https://mymorninghours.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/img_0928.jpg" style="-webkit-user-drag: none; color: #1b8be0; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.7; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="That look says it all...." class="size-medium wp-image-228" data-mce-src="https://mymorninghours.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/img_0928.jpg?w=300" height="200" src="https://mymorninghours.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/img_0928.jpg?w=300" style="-webkit-user-drag: none; border: 0px none rgb(238, 238, 238); color: #222222; display: block; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: 1.7; margin: 5px auto 0px !important; max-width: 98%; padding: 0px;" width="300" /></a></dt>
<dd class="wp-caption-dd" style="-webkit-user-drag: none; color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, serif !important; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px 0px 0.6em !important; padding: 0px 0px 5px 40px; position: relative; text-align: left;">That look says it all....</dd></dl>
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I know there are plenty of people out there who get along with other people well enough - and maybe I'm just not a very likeable person, who knows. To me it is simply a truth that I usually get along better with animals than with people. They don't care about where you were born, what colour your skin is, what kind of accent you speak, what your qualifications are, how much money you earn, what you wear, or what your religion is. Don't get me wrong: animals can be quite judgemental, but at least they are not judgemental in the same way as people.</div>
Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-4383692076450746542015-02-13T07:15:00.000-08:002015-02-13T07:15:55.362-08:00My top 10 date wishlistSeeing that many people are going on about dates these days, and because my last article was about imaginary relationships, I thought I'd follow it up with my list of dream dates (and I felt like treating myself to browsing through nice photos!). If these people did really exist, then I'd definitely like to meet them! I restricted the list to ten people - after all, there are quite a few lovely fictional characters out there. This list is in no particular order.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPkIWeF-xUV_9Gx6y7xBI9nGsNxLgaaqGhfj6IC4MaoQr3wvWMvoAJ2u2YmJENXLi91t-OGsRSpts6VVPEvycRjTFjSf6ET6LwlUA394vKNeA0QsPdZCnMPezImxEIdLh_hXLFAZZL0s4/s1600/aragorn100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPkIWeF-xUV_9Gx6y7xBI9nGsNxLgaaqGhfj6IC4MaoQr3wvWMvoAJ2u2YmJENXLi91t-OGsRSpts6VVPEvycRjTFjSf6ET6LwlUA394vKNeA0QsPdZCnMPezImxEIdLh_hXLFAZZL0s4/s1600/aragorn100.jpg" height="284" width="320" /></a><b><br /><br /><br /><br />Aragorn (Lord of the Rings)</b>: preferably the Strider version because he's far too clean and tidy when he's king. I liked him when he was still a bit rough around the edges, and still was full of doubts. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBz0AaD-BFUSMvoU_Sfev4I5bh8o1uoOuBSCfT2nv1gxENPNgP5NIZ_fs07youbF67DE3_nSh6ezHBbSsAZEoNcNsQGbwaQPbB3SJsYGmxrVX45NrGlhMpDJxoo1mL5g_Z9NI1AZlNkyM/s1600/Bard-the-Bowman-bard-the-bowman-37671241-500-550.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; font-weight: bold; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBz0AaD-BFUSMvoU_Sfev4I5bh8o1uoOuBSCfT2nv1gxENPNgP5NIZ_fs07youbF67DE3_nSh6ezHBbSsAZEoNcNsQGbwaQPbB3SJsYGmxrVX45NrGlhMpDJxoo1mL5g_Z9NI1AZlNkyM/s1600/Bard-the-Bowman-bard-the-bowman-37671241-500-550.gif" height="320" width="290" /><b></b></a></div>
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<b><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Bard (The Hobbit)</b><b>:</b> I think this needs no explanation. Most of you know what I like about him.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8FxNkMN8MaQzZStIGoxAqLBWzbs1jOiij03RpeBVoSUP-vMw7fTxbvk76vaKtGynQpGU-Vm9hF60amoDAnKm86e4out50KhH4O7NpI2t5_C2UIO3MkBgvS51OPpDJFt-jWzMUEoCTzDc/s1600/Faramir-movie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8FxNkMN8MaQzZStIGoxAqLBWzbs1jOiij03RpeBVoSUP-vMw7fTxbvk76vaKtGynQpGU-Vm9hF60amoDAnKm86e4out50KhH4O7NpI2t5_C2UIO3MkBgvS51OPpDJFt-jWzMUEoCTzDc/s1600/Faramir-movie.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a><b><br /><br /><br />Faramir (Lord of the Rings)</b>: Here I prefer the book version because they changed his initial motivation quite a bit in the movies. I think he is a very sweet character.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJrtErtd5dbEuNNM9N1J1sWevHrWnKvonAKaRhos9i7zP4WLKP4B3UqxQpwouWrnU0219eoOi-AyRPd8xEr2QFuAtFScTINxWrofL2KZ9DK3dUvovDn8wG3y1A35Px8WJG8MrkZrRGQAI/s1600/Final_Fantasy_X_Wallpaper_-_Auron1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJrtErtd5dbEuNNM9N1J1sWevHrWnKvonAKaRhos9i7zP4WLKP4B3UqxQpwouWrnU0219eoOi-AyRPd8xEr2QFuAtFScTINxWrofL2KZ9DK3dUvovDn8wG3y1A35Px8WJG8MrkZrRGQAI/s1600/Final_Fantasy_X_Wallpaper_-_Auron1.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a><b><br /><br /><br />Auron </b>from Final Fantasy X: Don't judge me. I like him. He is mysterious, has fantastic hair, and is incredibly loyal.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrWrEb6dwE2ADT5lKiMW-oh3iQ_bLzWfJql8OwdHfNC4bl9ok0fOhTiADLEJ2hMkgH2MnIeIqmO-rY2uq2ZrD7m6JHRvBQw42VxYXtgjAnSa-mojfn9eVEH9lUQ11BijNlvmLKy3FP_y8/s1600/holodoc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrWrEb6dwE2ADT5lKiMW-oh3iQ_bLzWfJql8OwdHfNC4bl9ok0fOhTiADLEJ2hMkgH2MnIeIqmO-rY2uq2ZrD7m6JHRvBQw42VxYXtgjAnSa-mojfn9eVEH9lUQ11BijNlvmLKy3FP_y8/s1600/holodoc.jpg" height="296" width="320" /></a><b><br /><br /><br /><br />The Holodoc</b> (Star Trek Voyager): No, not Chakotay, not Tom Paris. If I had to choose someone from that crew, I'd choose the doc. I think he would be very loyal, and he is incredibly sweet once you look past his arrogance.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6b9w99u7UrYyP71sQsY4hcdrwR-s9RJVQzW8EOw689d7DrL5_iMqdP73xc4bJyf7zD6pPcJNZCa-6LqFmjLeKD940XxRKK3fO5NffZPW22dG5WKA7VU_YdTr2ZaN5Q2VDLiNuNfMfVoo/s1600/lara-croft-tomb-raider-game-hd-wallpaper-1920x1080-4879.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6b9w99u7UrYyP71sQsY4hcdrwR-s9RJVQzW8EOw689d7DrL5_iMqdP73xc4bJyf7zD6pPcJNZCa-6LqFmjLeKD940XxRKK3fO5NffZPW22dG5WKA7VU_YdTr2ZaN5Q2VDLiNuNfMfVoo/s1600/lara-croft-tomb-raider-game-hd-wallpaper-1920x1080-4879.png" height="180" width="320" /></a><b><br /><br /><br />Lara Croft:</b> I didn't say that I'd just choose men! Lara Croft has been part of my life for quite a long time, and she's got a great character.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0e4VSTAZY1CDYRNveRnlDTktra6KQxiigbYmRcowFYkSJxIsJkElJqS_aCvVD7A_1lHv1q1fpfwP5PTZbmzBNdF0MpON_fmTrJRlFOIJRFKL6sQEtovKzSv38Lb3x3mr0GnXHN3FDEE/s1600/MalcolmReed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0e4VSTAZY1CDYRNveRnlDTktra6KQxiigbYmRcowFYkSJxIsJkElJqS_aCvVD7A_1lHv1q1fpfwP5PTZbmzBNdF0MpON_fmTrJRlFOIJRFKL6sQEtovKzSv38Lb3x3mr0GnXHN3FDEE/s1600/MalcolmReed.jpg" height="320" width="263" /></a><b><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Malcolm Reed</b> (Star Trek - Enterprise): I don't really know why. I just like him. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_NsqepYfbTFNoNupYAhzxorcWU75njpRYOAVCfIqRcK4n72V7ac0dTdiAB9yyCDh6_rdCYuHwFc70lGTxX0H77CXzjkvqrAoLCEIwo8DYyrDxzz96_2LS347Bm8hN3McqAMqYeKADrkI/s1600/Pirate-captain-jack-sparrow-27970721-1024-768.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_NsqepYfbTFNoNupYAhzxorcWU75njpRYOAVCfIqRcK4n72V7ac0dTdiAB9yyCDh6_rdCYuHwFc70lGTxX0H77CXzjkvqrAoLCEIwo8DYyrDxzz96_2LS347Bm8hN3McqAMqYeKADrkI/s1600/Pirate-captain-jack-sparrow-27970721-1024-768.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a><b><br /><br /><br /><br />Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean): </b>I think he would make quite a good partner if he ever really was in love with someone. He'd have to stop drinking so much though!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSMD4mumkh3Q2uCM7N4hcVkYRhCLl70WzThYioO-6SGfIhRlEKKUbI3wQqtRSRc_rLGaYWDTiorOKMDQ1UxyE06KHliChTj7W7xiA_nqi1-LouyA5xQi1nqhzzNFRMx2jyb90FNiAAltw/s1600/Xena-Warrior-Princess-xena-warrior-princess-24708892-481-600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSMD4mumkh3Q2uCM7N4hcVkYRhCLl70WzThYioO-6SGfIhRlEKKUbI3wQqtRSRc_rLGaYWDTiorOKMDQ1UxyE06KHliChTj7W7xiA_nqi1-LouyA5xQi1nqhzzNFRMx2jyb90FNiAAltw/s1600/Xena-Warrior-Princess-xena-warrior-princess-24708892-481-600.jpg" height="320" width="256" /></a><b><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Varia (Xena): </b>Well..... I'm sure she'd be quite interesting. I wouldn't mind dating Xena's version of Athena, but I guess Xena kind of made that impossible........ </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirHrsWdajaNCsRmlW6pYhRUfpi0NlVUU8c3qSmZAlas1P9nW0Sl4MftDofYLtAxNhvcMtf5rR4DrjlMkIJiKlcXZsLiKx06QOOmEDGY2ILGBRWP-1ZEevSAsdtrP2xJQtSVr3494umfmk/s1600/xena-xena-warrior-princess-3778653-1200-900.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirHrsWdajaNCsRmlW6pYhRUfpi0NlVUU8c3qSmZAlas1P9nW0Sl4MftDofYLtAxNhvcMtf5rR4DrjlMkIJiKlcXZsLiKx06QOOmEDGY2ILGBRWP-1ZEevSAsdtrP2xJQtSVr3494umfmk/s1600/xena-xena-warrior-princess-3778653-1200-900.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><br /><br /><br />Xena: </b>Not a surprise, is it? Don't tell me you still didn't realize......<br />
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<br />Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-10674177402599246232015-02-12T05:13:00.000-08:002015-02-12T05:19:17.815-08:00Imaginary relationships / friendships<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqE0cBgRAHDnGMp4wapBwtCMQVbJe36XpJpIXS2XlZy3nlZOIzkDu6O1xR8ujBcfCqubiQnRMvxeKi2uEf0CE4cIUCkZz9AW3Yrc2nT1i-bH9ZB-W3n9d3Dy8uFVxtugxXeRAXxRkdvqQ/s1600/GaladrielGandalf_Rivendell2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqE0cBgRAHDnGMp4wapBwtCMQVbJe36XpJpIXS2XlZy3nlZOIzkDu6O1xR8ujBcfCqubiQnRMvxeKi2uEf0CE4cIUCkZz9AW3Yrc2nT1i-bH9ZB-W3n9d3Dy8uFVxtugxXeRAXxRkdvqQ/s1600/GaladrielGandalf_Rivendell2.jpg" height="170" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sometimes, you need the help of a wise friend.</td></tr>
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A discussion on Facebook gave me the idea to write about imaginary relationships (which includes friendships, too, it's not all about love). Most of us had such a relationship at some stage in our life, some of us had a more detailed one, and others just had thoughts like "What if...?" Some kids had imaginary friends, other kids didn't.<br />
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An imaginary friendship is defined by the fact that the person you day-dream about either doesn't exist or has no interest in the kind of relationship you are interested in. In many cases, the person of desire is a famous person or a fictional character that simply is too good to really exist in life. And this is what I am writing about here: I am not going into imaginary relationships with people you actually know - because I think that can be quite a dangerous topic, and it can also create problems in relationships as they actually are in reality.<br />
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But what about your daydreams about being in a relationship with the main character of your favourite TV series, or date the hero from your favourite book? What about the imaginary discussions you have with wise characters from movies and books?<br />
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As a child, I had plenty of conversations with Michael Jackson and Captain Picard. Later on, I also imagined what it would be like to meet Xena and Captain Janeway. To me, it was a good way to keep my sanity in a way because I could "talk" to them about things I couldn't talk about with a real person. It never was about romance though. When I started writing fan fictions that included a friend of mine and me as characters, we both ended up having fictional relationships (because my friend wanted me to add some romance to the writing, and I reluctantly tried it). My fictional relationship was with a character called Taiki Kou (from the Japanese manga and anime "Sailor Moon"), but even though anything is possible in fan fictions, I always kept everything to a minimum and focused on the actual stories I was developing (which was just more interesting to me).<br />
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Later on, as an adult, I still had plenty of imaginary conversations, and tried to come up with what characters other than myself would say about different problems and situations. It's basically a good way to try and see your own problems from a different perspective. And if you are good as visualizing things, then conversations with characters you love can be quite encouraging. I loved it when I was able to just sit in a room with Janeway. I usually did these kind of "meetings" just before I went to bed, you could probably call it a sort of meditation.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhkr6C_jOwNfAE-ntZYuuDiuB_vN5auJJLwtp0P-gFBLfi1l5O84R4lHBz8yC1iQTvpFkCk7F6h_5EUbJCrtijNd63dNFCuSc04vE9Enyo4U5MA6ELYyGUlGDZq5lzHhvqbQdNLPfbTcc/s1600/janeway.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhkr6C_jOwNfAE-ntZYuuDiuB_vN5auJJLwtp0P-gFBLfi1l5O84R4lHBz8yC1iQTvpFkCk7F6h_5EUbJCrtijNd63dNFCuSc04vE9Enyo4U5MA6ELYyGUlGDZq5lzHhvqbQdNLPfbTcc/s1600/janeway.JPG" height="200" width="198" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What shall we talk about today?</td></tr>
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I never really got into the romantic side of imaginary relationships though. Yes, I sometimes imagine what it could be like to meet certain people (like Bard the Bowman, Xena, Dominic Keating, etc.) but it never goes beyond just normal conversations - maybe I'm just too respectful even in my fantasy! The odd thing is that even with my "imaginary" friends some topics don't come easily. My best conversations I used to have with Janeway because I guess she's the most accessible person of them all.<br />
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However, I know that for some people it can be quite comforting to be in an imaginary relationship, and I guess as long as no harm is done in any way, fantasies should be fine. What do you think? Have you ever been in an imaginary relationship? Did it stop you from communicating with "real" people in a certain way?<br />
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The big advantage of such friendships is that those friends are always available. They will always have time for you, and they can be with you within seconds. They would never tell you that they are too busy watching their favourite TV show, and they would never come up with some excuses about not being able to help.<br />
The second advantage is that you can basically talk to them about everything without having to worry that they will not be your friends any more afterwards. They will be as accepting and loving as you allow them to be.<br />
The other advantage that I already mentioned: They will help you to gain a new perspective, and can even help you to see sides of a problem that you might not have considered yet. But of course you need to be really good at imagining other people's ideas and perspectives if you would like to do this.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpcOBa8FuFzNv_V8Gyy1-fhhFGwno8781CgnR5nXhTFItkPbVTeo47s3hzgKrbqs3Lu4_oJ1xC6Jfi5mIknBchkhCCtXNrmOiy3UnfYtTl_oWBT6tKv5BykC_05k9yIvTktUAf6IeCuME/s1600/Gabrielle_bithday_present.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpcOBa8FuFzNv_V8Gyy1-fhhFGwno8781CgnR5nXhTFItkPbVTeo47s3hzgKrbqs3Lu4_oJ1xC6Jfi5mIknBchkhCCtXNrmOiy3UnfYtTl_oWBT6tKv5BykC_05k9yIvTktUAf6IeCuME/s1600/Gabrielle_bithday_present.jpg" height="303" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And sometimes, you just want the company of someone very special.</td></tr>
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<br />Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5516132930201169434.post-31037170355497489832015-02-09T02:33:00.000-08:002015-02-09T02:33:26.522-08:00I wish I could live like you - be careful what you wish forOne thing I often hear when I tell people part of my story is that: "I wish I could live like that. That must be so exciting." Unfortunately, people do not think that statement through. Ask yourself these questions:<br />
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<li>Can you fit almost all of your belongings into a medium backpack and a suitcase?</li>
<li>Can you live with the uncertainty of not knowing where you will live next? Sometimes you don't know where you will be the next day, because it all depends on luck, finances, and finding the right place. </li>
<li>Would it be okay for you to have no family at all? (Because if you want my life, you got to lose your family, otherwise you'll live a different live - and didn't you want mine?)</li>
<li>Could you live without having a home, a fixed address to call your home? Could you live with banks not wanting to give you an account because you don't have a home? Because you don't have a job they see as a job?</li>
<li>Do you have what it takes to constantly find freelance jobs that pay you just enough to live? Can you imagine not having all the luxuries you have in your life, like your book collection, CD collection, DVD collection, your favourite cup, etc.?</li>
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It is hard to make people understand that my life isn't a big adventure. If I could, I would live differently - but unfortunately I had not much of a say in the matter. I had to leave New Zealand, I even had to sell my camera to be able to afford the ticket out of New Zealand and to the UK. I didn't want to leave. I was just getting to the point where I was thinking about having my own place in NZ, and settling down somewhere (I had lived on a friend's farm for a couple of years, and before that in Whanganui for a few years), then NZ immigration deemed me not good and valuable enough to live in the country. I had no place to go to, no significant savings to speak of.</div>
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I will not explain all the details to you - but know this: if I could just settle down somewhere, find a part-time job to pay for my rent, then I would. But I am currently just always trying hard to not be homeless. It is not an adventure, it's a nightmare. I'll have a bit of a break when I will work on a farm next month, but unless I manage to also earn a lot of money with writing or find a part-time job in a cafe, then I will just have the same problem again in a few months.</div>
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My life is tiring. It robs me of my energy, and I have enough problems without having to worry about where I will live next. I would love to be able to just have a proper break, too. I would like to be able to go home, close the door behind me, and not have to justify myself to others. I would like to be able to say: "Hey, it's my day off. I can stay in bed as long as I want, I don't have to worry about any other people in the house / flat." I would love to be able to have a book-shelf, a proper computer, a place to call home even just for a year or so. </div>
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You don't want to live like me - what people want when they hear about my life is a HOLIDAY, not what I do. My life is not a holiday. I haven't had a holiday for a long, long time. </div>
Wairuanorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15034330671253206034noreply@blogger.com1