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Being like Xena - Part 2


After I decided to continue using this blog instead of my WordPress blog, I had a look at my old posts, and decided to write a follow-up article to one of my most popular posts: about being like Xena. I am not sure whether it is the images or the actual text that attracted visitors, but no matter what the reason is, it has turned into one of the most visited posts on this blog.

When I wrote the older post, I was still living in New Zealand, and in a way, I was stuck in a rut. Only now that I am looking back at what I was doing (virtually just being stuck in a daily routine), do I realize that I wasn't getting very close to being like Xena. Yes, I was tough, I was the one people turned to when they needed advice or help, and I dealt with my problems on my own. 
But I was not very proactive when it came to changing my life. I was letting other people just treat me the way they wanted to treat me. I accepted negativity, I accepted people taking advantage of me. All because I thought it would help me have friends. But it did not. People believed I was strong, when I reality I wasn't. I often was too worried about other people's opinion to speak my own truth. Of course, I always gave other people good advice about being themselves, being true to themselves, working towards their dreams, etc., but I was very bad at sticking to that advice myself. And if I had stayed in New Zealand, I might have continued like that. 

When I had to leave, it broke my heart - but mainly because I had to leave my beloved chickens and pigeons behind. And I was scared about not being able to support myself financially in the UK - after all, everybody always talked about how expensive the UK was. People had often told me, that I would not be able to go far with just being a freelance writer, that I would have to find a "proper" job. And I admit, being a freelance writer does have challenges, it's not always easy - but I've been in the UK since March last year, and am managing. 
My lifestyle is different than that of other people - after all I did not have any savings (thanks to someone who took advantage of me years ago, but that's a different story), and I was thrown into a country I knew nobody in. 

In a way, that forced me to really be a bit more like Xena. After all, she was also always travelling around a lot, helping others with her skills where they were needed. Of course, I do not travel around as a fighter. As much as I would prefer to be like Xena, my skills fall more into the skill set of Gabrielle, while my character is a bit like Xena's: quite independent, not good at asking other people for help and support, very reluctant to show weakness, fierce when it comes to protecting what/whom I care about, more sarcastic than truly funny, etc. 
I even had people I know compare me to Xena, so it's not just something I make up myself.

One thing has not changed though: I travel through this life on my own. I haven't yet met anybody who would pester me like Gabrielle "pestered" Xena. You know the story of how the little, annoying blonde turned into Xena's best "friend", and how hard it initially was for Xena to open up, to trust. Even after so many years, I still think that the story of Xena and Gabrielle is one of the most beautiful stories about friendship and love that have ever been told. 
Gabrielle was not ever willing to give up on Xena - and she was willing and ABLE to see past Xena's tough exterior and behaviour. I would need someone who is just like Gabrielle in that regard. But do such people even exist in real life?


Another thing I have neglected about "being like Xena" for a few years was the physical side. I simply just did not take care of myself very well. And this is also one thing that has changed since I started living in the UK. I am more aware of what I am eating, and what I am doing to myself. I can wear knee-high boots now without feeling like I'm cutting my blood flow off. I have also done some research into clubs I would like to become a member of once I have moved to a more permanent place (which will be towards the end of February). One of them is a Maori taiaha training group (in NZ, the local Maori did not allow women to do this, so I am quite excited about this opportunity), and I would also like to get into either Kendo or Karate. If I want to be like Xena,  I don't just have to take care of my soul, but also of my body. I'm getting there slowly, and I guess slow changes are better than radical changes that you cannot keep up in the long run. Who knows, one day I might even be confident enough to cosplay Xena! 

So, while I still have a long way to go to turn into the woman I would like to be, I feel that I am closer to it than a few years ago. And maybe I will also find my Gabrielle once I am more like Xena. Though, of course, I still do not care about whether Gabrielle was male or female. It's the soul that counts. To quote Thorin from the Hobbit: "Loyalty, honour, and a willing heart. I can ask no more than that."

What about you? Do you have any role model? Anything you are working towards to? 
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