When words are all you have....

Do you know the old Bee Gees song "Words" (it has also been covered by Boyzone, and I find that version a bit easier to listen to). It is partially about the meaning of words, how words can change someone's heart, how they can win a heart, how important that they be, but also that the other person might not believe a thing the other says.

When words are all you have

If you have been following my blog (either here on the old version on Wordpress), then you know that I love words, I love languages, I love books, I love meaningful lyrics, I love writing. However, at the moment, words also make me sad - because if words are indeed all you have, then you do not have much at all. If you then also only get the words from strangers (i.e. from songs, from books, from strangers you meet on the internet because your "friends" don't care), then it is even worse, because of course those strangers do not know you. They have not written the words with you in mind. The quotes on the internet have not been written for particular readers. When I read all those inspirational quotes, they are not truly directed at me. "Shine" has not been written for me. The copy of the lovely handwritten letter has not been written for me - and so on. You then have the beautiful words, but they also come with a feeling of disconnection. A certain frustration or sadness. At least in my case, because I've never once inspired someone to create something beautiful. For a long time in my life I believed I would one day meet that special true friend, maybe even a partner - but I guess at a certain age you can just stop hoping, and try to make the best of what you have.

When words are just empty

Most of you will have made the experience that people often say positive things they do not mean. And if that other person means something to you, those words are often the ones that hurt most over time. Because it means that they never cared enough about you to be honest in the first place. Sometimes honesty, however, would be the best policy to avoid making someone wonder, hope, and then be disappointed when they finally realize that your words have just been said or written so you don't have to be unpleasant, or appear uncaring.

One example from my own life: Last year, I worked in a variety of places via a volunteer scheme, and some of the places I liked quite a lot. One of them I liked so much that I wanted to return there this year, and I told them when I left. At the time of my departure, and even during the days before it, so many of those people there said they would keep in touch, that they would like to see me again, and that it would be so great to have me back soon, etc. I tried to keep in touch, but if it turns into a one-sided conversation, then you give up. You realize that they have not been honest about how positive they were. When I sent an email in December (because I've been told to get back to them in December about coming back), asking about whether I could return, I never received an answer, so I had to make completely different plans for the year. It wasn't the best experience for me, as there wasn't even an explanation. All those positive words, all that positive feedback, and then nothing? I started to expect that I would not return there when the people never really stayed in touch, but that didn't dampen the disappointment.

Another example, many might recognize from their own lives are friends who are "always there" for you. But they aren't. When you need them most, they definitely aren't there. They always have something else to do. They don't put any effort in putting the truth behind their words. It simply means that in reality they don't care that much after all. But they are quick enough to be your friend again when they want or need something from you.

How much do people care?

Last year, and also in part of January, I had a little bit of an experiment. I did ask people for little favours. Nothing big, nothing that would have taken them much time. I started the question with "If you had the time, it would be great...", and ended it with "... it would mean a lot to me." Just little things, very little things. Not asking strangers, you know, but people who claimed to be friends. Most people said yes, they would do it. But guess how many people really did do me a favour? Zero. Not one single person. And nothing I asked for would've taken much time, some things even just five MINUTES. So why do people betray their words with not acting on them? Why can't they be honest, and tell you straight away that they couldn't care less and can't be bothered? Don't people know how much more disappointing and hurtful it is to hope, to believe in someone, and then to be disappointed?

Losing trust - what do words mean anyway?

At the moment, I have a hard time believing people when they say they would do something. Most likely they will not end up doing it anyway. I won't ask people for favours. And I feel like I've lost most of my faith in humanity. Yes, there are nice people out there. But loyal people? Probably not so much unless you have something they really want. Maybe I'm just not a lovable enough person.  I actually thought I was okay, I get along well with me. I don't mind being in my own company, but maybe I am a really bad person. A good person would not have my problems. No really good person would deserve the things that happened. So logically this would mean, I'm not a good person.

Words can lift you up, words can be all you need in some situations - but when words are never followed by actions, then they can also destroy your soul bit by bit. So, I might not be a good person, will never have true, loyal friends, will most likely stay single for the rest of my life (after the experience I had, I'd rather be single that in the wrong relationship), but one thing is sure: I will try to stay as true to my words as possible. When I say I'll be there for someone, I mean it.