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Feathers, books and homes

Seagull feather
In a few days, I will be moving to a different place - I will move away from the city I had thought could me my home and during the last three years, a lot of stuff has found its way into my flat. Of course, I could have kept everything - but I take this move as a chance to go through everything and only keep the things I need and the things I REALLY want to keep.

And this made me think about the things that really matter to me and how different people are when it comes to belongings and their attachments to items. I am almost done with packing and in a couple of days, the furniture will also be gone. Today, I packed one of my most valuable possessions, something other people ignore when they see it lying on the streets or in the shallow waters on the beach: Feathers. Some people use them as decoration other people use them for weaving. I only collect them for their own sake. Simply because of their beauty and their meaning to me. I still remember the day when I found the white seagull feather (on the photo to the left) because it was the last time I had been close to my beloved Mount Taranaki.
The feather will not be worth a cent to someone else.


Taranaki seagull
So how do we actually attach value to something? Do you value the items you bought in a shop for a lot of money than something that came into your possession for free? Do you value items that have a collector value to you?

Often we have real emotional attachments to certain items and when we have to part with them, we aren't happy. When I was going through my belongings, I didn't ask myself: What did I pay for this? But I asked myself: How much does this mean to me? What would I feel like if I didn't have it anymore?

Some people might not feel so good with parting some of the items I am parting with. Some of them weren't easy to let go, e.g. I sold many of my books and will sell even more when the furniture is picked up. To me, full book-shelves represent a home. I don't need much but I loved being surrounded by books. However, I can hardly take 100 books with me when I move, esp. because I have no idea where my life will take me in 2012. Parting with my books means parting with the idea of having a real home - I am back at the stage at which I have no idea where I belong.

Do you have any items that make you feel like you are at home, i.e. items that represent home for you? I know that many people say "home is where the heart is" - but that's not what I'm talking about right now.

In less then 11 months I will turn 30 years. At this age, other people will have a family, a home and a normal job. Sometimes I wonder whether this means that I haven't achieved anything in my life. I do have some kind of job - but many people do not see writing as a proper job. I had to listen to quite a few jokes about this - this is why I often hesitate to tell people about what I do and what my dreams are.

I am also far from having a home, i.e. a place that is owned by myself. I don't dream of a big luxurious house. I also don't see myself having my own house in the near future. It would be nice to have a home though. Sometimes I wish, I would just have a home in a "remote" place that is a short walk (i.e. up to 5km) from some kind of bus route so I could get some grocery shopping done every couple of weeks. That place would be close to a little river or creek (as long as the water is clear) and surrounded by native forest. My only neighbours would be the birds in the trees. I would be a hermit because sometimes I think that would be the best solution for me. If I can't have a proper home with at a nice partner at my side, I might as well just be a proper hermit and write away in a home in the forest.

I had many dreams and hopes in my life - but for it seems like following them isn't such a good idea because it just takes me from problem to problem. I guess, in times during which I question myself, my dreams and everything I have done so far, it's good that I have a hero like Xena - even though she's not real. But at least she give me the message that hope is the last thing I should give up. And that's why I hold on to my feathers because for me, they represent hope.

Comments

  1. Lara MeiFebruary 9, 2012 at 4:54 PM

    I can soooo totally relate...
    Don't give up on your dreams though... the bigger they are, the more problems arise - but problems are just stepping stones on the way to achieving what you aim for. The higher the dream, the more stepping stones you'll need.
    I know... easy to say, hard to do!
    I'm pretty much at the same place right now... so hopefully we'll both be able to get what we want eh?

    ReplyDelete
  2. WairuanorFebruary 12, 2012 at 12:25 PM

    Thank you so much for your comment, Lara.
    I know that reaching your dreams is usually not easy - and right now I feel like I had actually been quite high up a beautiful mountain but then a gust of strong wind blew me back down to the bottom and I need to start again. And at my age, you get a little bit sick of having to start again and again. I would just one day love to have a "normal" life, have a home, do what I love to do and not having to worry about things like immigration all the time. If it wasn't for immigration, all the other things could be dealt with so much easier (I'm currently fighting to stay in New Zealand and it's just such an unfair thing).

    ReplyDelete

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