I wish I could live like you - be careful what you wish for

One thing I often hear when I tell people part of my story is that: "I wish I could live like that. That must be so exciting." Unfortunately, people do not think that statement through. Ask yourself these questions:

Can you fit almost all of your belongings into a medium backpack and a suitcase?
Can you live with the uncertainty of not knowing where you will live next? Sometimes you don't know where you will be the next day, because it all depends on luck, finances, and finding the right place.
Would it be okay for you to have no family at all? (Because if you want my life, you got to lose your family, otherwise you'll live a different live - and didn't you want mine?)
Could you live without having a home, a fixed address to call your home? Could you live with banks not wanting to give you an account because you don't have a home? Because you don't have a job they see as a job?
Do you have what it takes to constantly find freelance jobs that pay you just enough to live? Can you imagine not having all the luxuries you have in your life, like your book collection, CD collection, DVD collection, your favourite cup, etc.?

It is hard to make people understand that my life isn't a big adventure. If I could, I would live differently - but unfortunately I had not much of a say in the matter. I had to leave New Zealand, I even had to sell my camera to be able to afford the ticket out of New Zealand and to the UK. I didn't want to leave. I was just getting to the point where I was thinking about having my own place in NZ, and settling down somewhere (I had lived on a friend's farm for a couple of years, and before that in Whanganui for a few years), then NZ immigration deemed me not good and valuable enough to live in the country. I had no place to go to, no significant savings to speak of.

I will not explain all the details to you - but know this: if I could just settle down somewhere, find a part-time job to pay for my rent, then I would. But I am currently just always trying hard to not be homeless. It is not an adventure, it's a nightmare. I'll have a bit of a break when I will work on a farm next month, but unless I manage to also earn a lot of money with writing or find a part-time job in a cafe, then I will just have the same problem again in a few months.

My life is tiring. It robs me of my energy, and I have enough problems without having to worry about where I will live next. I would love to be able to just have a proper break, too. I would like to be able to go home, close the door behind me, and not have to justify myself to others. I would like to be able to say: "Hey, it's my day off. I can stay in bed as long as I want, I don't have to worry about any other people in the house / flat." I would love to be able to have a book-shelf, a proper computer, a place to call home even just for a year or so.

You don't want to live like me - what people want when they hear about my life is a HOLIDAY, not what I do. My life is not a holiday. I haven't had a holiday for a long, long time.

Kenny Wizz vs Navi vs Ben - Can there be only one #1 Michael Jackson tribute artist?

Last night, I have been to a place called Stevenage to watch a Michael Jackson tribute artist called Ben . He was one of only two UK tribute artists I found interesting and promising enough to spend money on a ticket, transport, and accommodation (it's too difficult to travel back home with public transport at night). Now that I have seen three different Michael Jackson tribute artists in person, I would like to write about what they have in common, what made each of them stand out, and then answer the question: Is there really a number one? Did one of the two UK tributes manage to do something Kenny did not do? If you have read my old writings about Kenny, you know that he's very special (at least to me). I will have a look at their looks, their energy during the performance, the song selection, the costumes, the singing (or lack of it), the moves, the band & the dancers, the overall feel of the concert, and the meet & greet after the shows. In

Seeking and finding motivation - It needs to come from within

I have known for a long time that motivation is something that needs to come from within yourself. At least genuine motivation needs to come from within your own soul - it is the only kind of motivation that will last. Even though I have known this, I found (and still find) it very hard to keep myself motivated, to keep the spark within alive, to not let the world and the people in it kill my dreams. As a writer, I also read a lot. Most books are dedicated to other people, or have some sort of acknowledgment page where authors thank people who support them, people who keep them going, people who motivate them, and so on. For a very long time, I have wished I would have people I could use for these pages. I was wondering whom I would dedicate my books to, whom I would thank. But I could only ever think of fictional and/or famous characters. In real life, there is nobody who supports me with my writing and shows a genuine interest in my ideas or progress (of which there isn't that

Why work harder when there's no reward at all?

I am rather demotivated at the moment. Why work harder than other people if other people in the end get more for less work? Two volunteers who work a lot less than I do (also as a volunteer) get taken to see a castle this weekend, while I have to work. One of those two is being taken to the second castle. He's been taken on a day trip before. While I have been here since November and haven't been taken anywhere once. Usually, volunteers work five hours a day. But because I am really committed to the animals, I usually work six hours, often seven or eight (as a volunteer, so it's not like I get any money for extra hours). So I work more, but get less in return. How is that fair? It's just my life. I often put in so much effort into things, but get nothing in return. I feel like giving up. Why be reliable and hard working if it's just taken for granted? Why put in more effort when people who slack get all the rewards and extra attention?

Elrond HalfelvenFebruary 9, 2015 at 2:24 PM
That sounds awful. :( I wish I could help somehow. I've never been homeless, so I don't suppose I can fully understand what it feels like. I won't try to solve your problems for you. You know your own situation far better than I do. All I can do is be here for you if you need me. For morale support, or whatever else I can do.

I know you love England, but if for whatever reason there comes a time when you need a place to stay, you are welcome to stay with me. :) Hang in there, Kim.

Spirit of the River

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