Spirit of the River

I am rather demotivated at the moment. Why work harder than other people if other people in the end get more for less work? Two volunteers who work a lot less than I do (also as a volunteer) get taken to see a castle this weekend, while I have to work. One of those two is being taken to the second castle. He's been taken on a day trip before. While I have been here since November and haven't been taken anywhere once. Usually, volunteers work five hours a day. But because I am really committed to the animals, I usually work six hours, often seven or eight (as a volunteer, so it's not like I get any money for extra hours). So I work more, but get less in return. How is that fair? It's just my life. I often put in so much effort into things, but get nothing in return. I feel like giving up. Why be reliable and hard working if it's just taken for granted? Why put in more effort when people who slack get all the rewards and extra attention?

I have known for a long time that motivation is something that needs to come from within yourself. At least genuine motivation needs to come from within your own soul - it is the only kind of motivation that will last. Even though I have known this, I found (and still find) it very hard to keep myself motivated, to keep the spark within alive, to not let the world and the people in it kill my dreams. As a writer, I also read a lot. Most books are dedicated to other people, or have some sort of acknowledgment page where authors thank people who support them, people who keep them going, people who motivate them, and so on. For a very long time, I have wished I would have people I could use for these pages. I was wondering whom I would dedicate my books to, whom I would thank. But I could only ever think of fictional and/or famous characters. In real life, there is nobody who supports me with my writing and shows a genuine interest in my ideas or progress (of which there isn't that ...

Something unbelievable happened: I changed my mind about not wanting to call anybody the number 1 Michael Jackson tribute artist. Read on to find out why. What has changed - and where have I been for the last few months? I haven't written anything on any of my blogs in the last few months - not on my literature related one, not on the one related to my create writing, not on the one about chickens, not on this one, not even on the one I use to write on when there's nobody to talk to but I feel like communicating. I felt like I could do nothing any longer - that it was not worth it. Life in general has been challenging to put it mildly. For reasons I might explain in another post, I am struggling a lot - and I can't tell whether I just reached a plateau down in the valley of "this is going nowhere", or whether I am slowly starting to go uphill again. Only time will tell. If you have read my entries of the past, you know that I had some issues with som...