Spirit of the River

Acceptance, respect, friendship, love, safety - those are things most of us want at a certain level. Some need one of them more than the others, and can live with lower levels of the others. Unfortunately, we often do not get some of those, and some unlucky people struggle their whole life with even feeling safe or accepted in their relationships, be it with friends, family or lovers. We often make compromises, say yes to things we do not want to do - just to please others, make them like us more, make them accept us more, hoping that one day things would be different, and that the constant struggle for TRUE respect and love would be over. Let me get one thing right out of the way: if you have to fight for other people's attention, then just forget about it. They do not care that much. It should not be a constant fight for attention. Respect and love yourself enough to see when you are chasing the wrong person. Everyone who needs chasing IS the wrong person. The right people want...

A quote When I was reading a wonderful book called "There is no Fear (Children of the Knight Vol. 3)" by Michael Bowler, I came across a line that inspired me to write this post a few months ago. Yes, this is actually an older post from a blog that used to have on WordPress. But it still feels relevant, and I know I have more readers on here than on Wordpress. So I am editing the post to re-use it here. The quote was the following: "Sometimes saying the things we've not been saying [...] was the hardest thing in the world to do." The quote is a thought from Lance, the main character, who thinks about his feelings for his best friend. Feelings that he hardly ever puts into words, partially because he has problems with accepting them, and is afraid of what would happen if he spoke those words. He is afraid of being judged, misunderstood, and rejected by someone who means a lot to him. The things we do not say - and why we do not say them The things people do...

Do you know the old Bee Gees song "Words" (it has also been covered by Boyzone, and I find that version a bit easier to listen to). It is partially about the meaning of words, how words can change someone's heart, how they can win a heart, how important that they be, but also that the other person might not believe a thing the other says. When words are all you have If you have been following my blog (either here on the old version on Wordpress), then you know that I love words, I love languages, I love books, I love meaningful lyrics, I love writing. However, at the moment, words also make me sad - because if words are indeed all you have, then you do not have much at all. If you then also only get the words from strangers (i.e. from songs, from books, from strangers you meet on the internet because your "friends" don't care), then it is even worse, because of course those strangers do not know you. They have not written the words with you in mind. The ...

.... basically is that they are not chickens.  Beware: this post is unedited, more like a stream of consciousness. I didn't want to write something structured and thought through today. I won't be offended if you don't read this. I'm just writing it to get it out of my system. When I lived in New Zealand, I took care of quite a few chickens for a few years, and even though I did not have a good human friend to talk to, I always had the chickens, especially my dear rooster Frodo (who died last year, without my presence, because I had to move to the UK). Chickens are far more accepting than people. The chickens only cared about how I treated them. Nothing else mattered. Not the colour of my skin, not the colour of my eyes, not the colour or length of my hair. It did not matter to them whether I wore trousers or a skirt. They did not care about my religion, about my race, about my culture. They simply do not judge based on these things. You can be connected to chick...

Being not "good" enough We all want to have friends, we all want to be accepted by others. Unfortunately, some people will not like who you truly are, and you know it. Sometimes we meet people we think we like, maybe because they look a certain way, maybe because they are part of a certain group, maybe because they have a certain position we admire, etc. But when we realize that who we are might not be enough for them to be interested in us, we often try to be someone else. What I learned through experience is this: If you aren't "good" enough for them, then they are also most likely not good for you in the long run. They will drain your energy, they will always make you feel under pressure, and in the end, you won't even like yourself any more. Changing your character for others is not a good idea You are who you are - and that is absolutely okay. Everyone changes over time, everyone develops new skills, new likes, new dislikes, and everyone becomes ...