Being like Xena

I don't run around in a warrior's outfit and I do not own a Chakram. I also do not have someone like Gabrielle at my side - yet, I would like to be like Xena.

Most people do not understand my passion for Xena - and most people also don't try to understand. They usually do not know much about the whole series and about how all the characters developed during the six seasons. But it doesn't matter.
I'm used to not being understood - there's also hardly anyone who understands the meaning of either Michael Jackson or Captain Janeway in my life.


It doesn't matter that much what people think. Even though Xena is just a fictional character, she had helped me a lot in life. And at the moment, it does me well to take on some of her attributes. In a way, what I learned from her and other characters, kept me going through many tough periods of my life.
She taught me to be tough - to keep going when I feel like not going on at all anymore. She makes me take the next step - even if it's just a small step. Even though I often think that I can never be as good as her, never as strong and never as successful, I still keep on going because she also had to fight very hard to turn into the woman she became during the six seasons of the series.

But there is one big difference that makes things a little harder for me than they were for Xena.

Xena had Gabrielle - right from the first episode (and yes, I am one of the people who believe they were more than just friends because it's very obvious). Of course, their relationship has been a work of fiction, but sometimes you wonder whether such a true love would really be possible. It is that love and friendship that made everything possible for Xena. Without Gabrielle, I don't know where Xena would have ended up.
This makes me wonder where I will end up. I can be tough. I am tough and I have to be - but can you be like that forever? Just go on and on, on your own?

Doesn't look like just friends to me.

Anyway - with or without my own Gabrielle - I aim to be like Xena, yet I will always be my very own person (Xena doesn't care much about seagulls, so that's one difference). I am not gay, by the way. I think love has nothing to do with gender, you fall in love with a soul. And to me, it does not matter whether that soul is in a male or female body. Love in itself is beautiful - if you can find the true version of it, and not just the pale copy many people go for these days.

Different people get inspired through different sources and apart from what I believe in, there are some ideals I am to achieve. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?
For me, Xena, and what she has achieved during her life, is something fantastic. And she teaches hope and perseverance to others.


2015 Update: A bit of an addition, a bit later in my life.
I am amazed to see that this blog entry is still one of the most visited entries in my blog. I have just read it again myself, and have to stay that I very much still feel the same. A lot has happened to me during the last three years, and I have become even stronger, even tougher, and I have made many new experiences. I still have not found my soul-mate, but this might even be something impossible. A dream. Something to hope for, but something that seems rather unrealistic.
I will continue to write on this blog, and will also write a bit more about Xena in the future - after all, Xena fans are still out there, and the series is still dear to my heart.