Even though I have not written much here lately, I am still alive - but not as motivated when it comes to writing these days. That's a problem because writing is what I do. It is part of the essence of my soul - and I feel like I'm losing it. So, even though I feel like disappearing into a pigeon loft and spend time with Lucy (a very friendly pigeon) because she's the only one who really understands me (well, at least I like to pretend that she does), I will first write a little update for the very few regular readers that I have.
I try to not let this turn into a too negative entry - but the last few days have shown (again) that life isn't fair at all. And that there is no friendly, bigger power that embraces us all. Why do I say so? Whatever that power is, it did not listen to any of my prayers - I could say what I wanted, I could offer what I wanted and I could put as much energy into it as I wanted - but that "God" or "Goddess" let a little chicken die. I know, most of you won't care, a chicken is just a chicken and we eat them every day, right? And there are animals dying around me every few days - because that's just life on a farm, the circle of life etc. I know. But that one little chicken was very special and very dear to me - I even told that big entity that's supposed to watch over us that it could have as many years of my life as it wanted to have if it only let little Sam live. I had Sam in my life for five days and then he/she died.
It's been a few days since this has happened but it's still painful for me. Sam had represented hope - and hope died with him/her. It's better not to hope - because in the end, there's just disappointment. Sam is now buried under the roots of a nice tree. At least I know that I've made one right decision in my life: I didn't become a vet - I'd be the worst vet you could imagine... so at least I did that right.
So - Lucy is still alive but maybe that's just a cruel trick of "God". Who knows whether she'll survive? So I better go and spend some time with her now - who knows how long I'll have her?
I try to not let this turn into a too negative entry - but the last few days have shown (again) that life isn't fair at all. And that there is no friendly, bigger power that embraces us all. Why do I say so? Whatever that power is, it did not listen to any of my prayers - I could say what I wanted, I could offer what I wanted and I could put as much energy into it as I wanted - but that "God" or "Goddess" let a little chicken die. I know, most of you won't care, a chicken is just a chicken and we eat them every day, right? And there are animals dying around me every few days - because that's just life on a farm, the circle of life etc. I know. But that one little chicken was very special and very dear to me - I even told that big entity that's supposed to watch over us that it could have as many years of my life as it wanted to have if it only let little Sam live. I had Sam in my life for five days and then he/she died.
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| Sam |
It's been a few days since this has happened but it's still painful for me. Sam had represented hope - and hope died with him/her. It's better not to hope - because in the end, there's just disappointment. Sam is now buried under the roots of a nice tree. At least I know that I've made one right decision in my life: I didn't become a vet - I'd be the worst vet you could imagine... so at least I did that right.
So - Lucy is still alive but maybe that's just a cruel trick of "God". Who knows whether she'll survive? So I better go and spend some time with her now - who knows how long I'll have her?
And just a few hours after this entry I was found by a Pukeko chick. I hope this one will survive... I guess I should take it as a distraction from my other problems. Birds to the rescue... in a way. It's sleeping in my other hand right now.
ReplyDeleteIt's a very young one - cannot be older than 3-5 days, I think.
ReplyDelete