Warning: This is another unedited post. I just wrote down some of the things that are on my mind. Sorry for any mistakes - but this post is what it is!
Most of us make the mistake of trying to impress other people - and often we do stupid things to be "liked":
Most of us make the mistake of trying to impress other people - and often we do stupid things to be "liked":
- we drink too much to be accepted
- we speak words that should not be spoken just to fit in
- we hide who we really are
- we go to parties we do not want to go to
- we take part in activities we do not enjoy
- we basically let other people lead us around on a leash - like a puppy.
This is all wrong. Do you really think the people who need to be impressed in that manner are the right people to have around? Do they make you happy? Do they feed out their affection to you as if they were throwing crumbs to pigeons in a park (thanks to Darren Hayes for that image)? Then they might not be the right people to have in your life.
I found that you need to make sure that you YOURSELF can look into the mirror, at your actions, your words, and your life and say: "Yes, I did the best I could do. I am happy with my decisions. I can even be proud about some of them." Can you do this? Or are you a puppet that dances to other people's wishes? Are your friends really your friends?
I might be wrong, but I think that if you want to have the right people in your life, you first need to be one of those people yourself. You attract the right people by being someone they would want to have in their life. Do the right things, live an honest life, be honest, be who you are, and do what you can to achieve your dreams. Respect yourself, and also respect others. Don't let a group of other people pull you into something wrong just because you want to be accepted - because while you do that, the right friend might be around the corner, and you walk past him or her because you are too busy living a lie.
I made that mistake - and it taught me a painful, but important lesson. I need to listen to my own inner voice more often - not to the things other people want me to believe.
Another insightful post. I agree with you on all counts. I've never understood why people do that to themselves. Change or suppress who they truly are in order to be accepted, at the expense of their own identities. In the end, they make themselves miserable. I saw it all through school, and it seems it persists far beyond that. People need to be real, whatever that takes. Inner-acceptance is often appealing, and if not that, it's admirable, respectable; insecurity and the suppression of personality are ultimately repelling. If you have to change yourself in order for someone to like you or want to associate with you, that is not friendship. That's misery, and it rarely ends well.
ReplyDeleteThis throwing crumbs to pigeons, picture is very interesting. It was my experience with religion. No true bonds are made, only a kind of strange folklore, practices diguising emptyness, conditional acceptance, and hatred if you do not fit into the box.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, probably the most common mistake is distraction, looking in the wrong direction. But there is hope, as long as we are able to learn.