Lucy Lawless and a series of dreams (that went on for a few years)

When I still lived in New Zealand, and also during my first year in the UK, I often dreamed dreams that included Lucy Lawless. Not Xena, but the actress herself. Last night, I had a dream that surprised me because I thought my years of dreams about Lucy Lawless were over because the last dream I had about her felt like the end of a series. The dreams were telling me a lot about my life, especially now that I am looking back at them. It once more makes me wonder whether our dreams are more than just random images and stories that come to us at night. 

In the beginning: Lucy Lawless as an unapproachable, distant star

My dreams in the beginning were usually set during conventions or shows, e.g. concerts during which Lucy was the singer. I was always only part of the audience, and as much as I wanted to talk to Lucy, and ask her questions about life, I never had the chance to get anywhere close to her. I was simply a powerless spectator who wanted something she could not get. Lucy was the star, I was one of many nobodies. And amongst those many other people, I still stood out as the weird one - because I did not scream and yell, and I was on my own every single time. I was the quiet introvert in the crowd, and within the dream I simply had the dream to talk to Lucy.

Of course, it was also a real life dream of mine to one day be able to have a conversation with Lucy Lawless. Not about her career, not about Xena - but about life, because for some reason I always believed she had the answers I needed.

The middle: Lucy Lawless as a not so distant star

As life moved on, and some small things changed, my dreams also changed. Mind, none of the dreams with Lucy ever was the same. The locations were always different, so were the circumstances.

After a while, the crowds were smaller, and I had the chance to get a bit closer to Lucy. Yet, there was not a conversation - but it was a small change. I was no longer a powerless spectator. I could move around, and even be within the areas in which Lucy moved around. 

The last dream of the middle stage saw me as a security person who was standing in front of the stage while Lucy was performing. 

The third stage: Small conversations with Lucy

During the third stage, which I for months considered the final stage of those dreams, I at last got close enough to have short interactions with Lucy. I saw this as a sign that I was getting closer to being a bit like her, achieving more in my life, being more confident, believing in myself more. Lucy (or in the beginning Xena) was always such a huge role model in my life (since I was a teenager, i.e. for almost 20 years!), but I often felt like I could never get anywhere close to what she is like. In the dreams I moved from being the powerful person in the audience to someone who could communicate with the person who once was such a distant star.

A new stage of dreams?

Last night, or rather in the early morning hours, I had a dream with Lucy. I can remember even the smallest details of that dream. I will not write the full dream down here, it would take too much space. The dream, however, showed me a totally different level of interaction with Lucy.

I was in the same house with her and the guy who plays Joxer (really? Why?). After a problem, I asked Lucy whether she had just a minute of time for me. She gave me more than a minute, and we went to my room to be away from others. No, nothing gay happened - as I am not gay (unusual for a Xena fan, ey?). It was a good conversation, and after helping me with something, she told me about some of her problems - which was unusual because so far I never thought I could help her in any way. But in this dream, we both were there for each other, helping each other. I wonder whether there will be more dreams like this.....

Dream vs. reality

I wonder whether the dream Lucy might be some sort of spiritual guide, unrelated to the real Lucy. After all, I truly only ever saw Lucy Lawless as part of an audience (twice!)- and now that I am close to London, and not in New Zealand any more, I most likely will never have the chance to talk to Lucy Lawless. How would that happen anyway? There are millions of people who would like to talk to her - and some most likely even deserve it more. I am not that good of a fan to be honest. I don't keep track of everything she does. I don't have posters of her hanging in my room. I haven't even seen all the series and movies she's in (I only watch what I really find interesting genre-wise).

So my dreams will most likely be the only chance for me to talk to my role model - and without knowing, Lucy helped me to continue becoming a better person. I feel I am quite lucky to have her turning up in my dreams.