Spirit of the River

A quote When I was reading a wonderful book called "There is no Fear (Children of the Knight Vol. 3)" by Michael Bowler, I came across a line that inspired me to write this post a few months ago. Yes, this is actually an older post from a blog that used to have on WordPress. But it still feels relevant, and I know I have more readers on here than on Wordpress. So I am editing the post to re-use it here. The quote was the following: "Sometimes saying the things we've not been saying [...] was the hardest thing in the world to do." The quote is a thought from Lance, the main character, who thinks about his feelings for his best friend. Feelings that he hardly ever puts into words, partially because he has problems with accepting them, and is afraid of what would happen if he spoke those words. He is afraid of being judged, misunderstood, and rejected by someone who means a lot to him. The things we do not say - and why we do not say them The things people do...

One thing people usually learn about me quite early is that they should never underestimate my love for animals (especially birds). Though I have learned to keep my enthusiasm in check most of the time, and usually only show my true love for animals when I am around people I feel comfortable with (if I ever tell you the whole story of Frodo, then it means I trust you!). I'm the kind of person you'll find in the kids' zone in a zoo, petting a goat, and being happy like a child (note: I usually prefer other settings than zoos though - and some zoos deserve to be shut down, but that's a topic for a different blog). I'm the kind of person who goes out of her way to help animals in need, and also the kind of person who often prefers the company of animals to the company of people. Let me explain why that is so. My lovely rooster Frodo, who died last year in New Zealand. And I am in England. I wish I could have been there for him during his last days. Animals mak...

Seeing that many people are going on about dates these days, and because my last article was about imaginary relationships, I thought I'd follow it up with my list of dream dates (and I felt like treating myself to browsing through nice photos!). If these people did really exist, then I'd definitely like to meet them! I restricted the list to ten people - after all, there are quite a few lovely fictional characters out there. This list is in no particular order. Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) : preferably the Strider version because he's far too clean and tidy when he's king. I liked him when he was still a bit rough around the edges, and still was full of doubts.  Bard (The Hobbit) : I think this needs no explanation. Most of you know what I like about him. Faramir (Lord of the Rings) : Here I prefer the book version because they changed his initial motivation quite a bit in the movies. I think he is a very sweet character. Auron from Final Fantasy X: D...

Sometimes, you need the help of a wise friend. A discussion on Facebook gave me the idea to write about imaginary relationships (which includes friendships, too, it's not all about love). Most of us had such a relationship at some stage in our life, some of us had a more detailed one, and others just had thoughts like "What if...?" Some kids had imaginary friends, other kids didn't. An imaginary friendship is defined by the fact that the person you day-dream about either doesn't exist or has no interest in the kind of relationship you are interested in. In many cases, the person of desire is a famous person or a fictional character that simply is too good to really exist in life. And this is what I am writing about here: I am not going into imaginary relationships with people you actually know - because I think that can be quite a dangerous topic, and it can also create problems in relationships as they actually are in reality. But what about your daydre...

One thing I often hear when I tell people part of my story is that: "I wish I could live like that. That must be so exciting." Unfortunately, people do not think that statement through. Ask yourself these questions: Can you fit almost all of your belongings into a medium backpack and a suitcase? Can you live with the uncertainty of not knowing where you will live next? Sometimes you don't know where you will be the next day, because it all depends on luck, finances, and finding the right place.  Would it be okay for you to have no family at all? (Because if you want my life, you got to lose your family, otherwise you'll live a different live - and didn't you want mine?) Could you live without having a home, a fixed address to call your home? Could you live with banks not wanting to give you an account because you don't have a home? Because you don't have a job they see as a job? Do you have what it takes to constantly find freelance jobs that pay yo...

While this is not really a love letter (which would be privately addressed and for the eyes of one person only), it is a blog post about why English means so much to me. People often ask me whether I ever plan on going back to Germany, and when I say no, hardly anybody understands. And I usually don't explain because I know that only very few people would truly listen and understand my reasons. In this blog, I do not explain why I do not want to live in Germany, but I will explain why I want to live in a country where people speak English (and basically, Germany's not one of those countries).  It has nothing to do with English being one of the most influential languages in the world. It has nothing to do with English being more beautiful than other languages (though to me it is). My reason for loving English is because to me it is the language of life. The language that gave me hope when there was none in my life. It is the language of the people who taught me mor...

 Valentine's Day - it's like Christmas, Easter, and other "holidays": you simply can't escape it. Even bookshops that are usually a place of retreat for me do not know any mercy. Heart-shaped items and lots of red and pink decorations declaring that it's Valentine's Day soon, and that you need to buy something for the love of your life, are everywhere. The day - and also Christmas - makes me wonder why people need a special occasion to show their love (if something like love actually exists).  If you really cared about someone, shouldn't you show them more often than just once a year? Wouldn't it be nicer if you surprised them with something lovely on a day they do not expect it? But I guess, there is a lot of pressure on couples to be a couple on Valentine's Day. And I also guess many women would not forgive it easily if their partner didn't do something special for them on Valentine's Day. It's just something I don't ...

Today, I would like to talk about the kind of dreams you do not lose: the dreams you have at night. Do you remember you dreams? Do you write them down? Do you ever think about what they might mean? (I'm honestly interested, so use the comments to tell me) I used to write my dreams down in the past. I was able to fill up more than a whole notebook with them (unfortunately I don't have that one any more). I started another notebook for dreams recently, but I do not remember as many dreams as I used to. This might be connected with the fact that I am not as creative any more, and that I have lost quite a bit of motivation and do believe less in my other dreams (i.e. the kind of dream that you wish would happen in your life). I do miss having really vivid dreams because even though it only happened very rarely, I was able to experience some great things in my dreams. Other times, my dreams mirror the frustrations in real life. One dream I can remember very well without even...

I will only write a short one today, as I am still feeling quite sick, and need to use my energy for working on my jobs. Part of my work is translating books, sometimes "real" books, sometimes e-books. All of them (and most of the books I read) have dedications. I am also writing a book, but when it comes to dedications, it's always a page that bothers me a little, and to be honest, a page that makes me sad. I read how other people can dedicate their books to partners, friends, their family and so on, and then wonder who I would dedicate my book to. Michael Jackson, because he was more of a friend to me than anybody else? Patrick Stewart, because I learned more from him than from my own father who just hated me and always had to remind me that I was just an accident? Lucy Lawless, because she helped me a lot even though I never got to talk to her? Kate Mulgrew, because I wanted to have a mother like her? Kenny Wizz, because he gave me hope? Tolkien, because he insp...

Today, I am suffering from a fever, coughing, a sore throat, and my body aches all over. However, I cannot blame it on my lifestyle in general. I might not be the most active person at the moment (not the best weather for long hikes), but I go for walks, I move around, walk up and down the stairs, drink plenty of water, and eat healthily. I usually don't have issues with my health apart from one or the other tension headache, and a few things have changed positively since I adopted a healthier style of living. I am a very good example of how physical health can be absolutely ruined by other factors. I knew I was on the path to becoming sick for various reason. I was able to delay the onset, but I wasn't able to take the steps that would have helped me to completely avoid being sick. In the past, I was very sceptical when I read various studies about non-physical health related issues that can shorten people's life. But now I start to see how those could actually be true. ...

I have recently been working with different books about introversion (partially because it was a job, partially because I was interested in the topic as I am definitely an introvert). One of the books I've read was by Laurie Helgoe, and she uses an interesting idea to describe how introverts and extroverts connect to friends. It's only a short paragraph, and I felt like I would like to use this idea for today's blog post. Laurie Helgoe wrote that introverts are like luxury retreats or spa retreats that only have a very limited amount of rooms, while extroverts are like a normal hotel with dozens, if not hundreds of rooms. The extroverts is able to interact with plenty of people as there are usually many vacancies in a big hotel. However, the rooms often all look the same and don't come with a lot of service. You get the basic room service, but usually you just check in, stay a while, check out, and many other people make exactly the same experience. Basically it mea...

I was not sure what to write about today, as I did not feel very motivated. But then I thought about an article I've read about Captain Janeway last night. So why not write a little about her? I have to admit that I don't care much about mingling with other Star Trek fans. They seem to be quite elite, and not very accepting of people who aren't fan of every single Star Trek series. So I keep to myself, and I am not one of those hardcore fans who can tell you which events happened at which star date. I enjoy Star Trek (TNG, Voyager, and Archer's Enterprise) for the stories and characters, the developments and the philosophy. I don't care much for huge intergalactic battles. Captain Janeway has turned into my favourite. If I had to choose one character to meet in my life (if they all were real), then it would be her. As much as I love Picard, and as much as he helped me with getting through my childhood and teenage years, Janeway is the one who completely stole ...