The difference between being the friend of an introvert and being the friend of an extrovert

I have recently been working with different books about introversion (partially because it was a job, partially because I was interested in the topic as I am definitely an introvert). One of the books I've read was by Laurie Helgoe, and she uses an interesting idea to describe how introverts and extroverts connect to friends. It's only a short paragraph, and I felt like I would like to use this idea for today's blog post. Laurie Helgoe wrote that introverts are like luxury retreats or spa retreats that only have a very limited amount of rooms, while extroverts are like a normal hotel with dozens, if not hundreds of rooms.

The extroverts is able to interact with plenty of people as there are usually many vacancies in a big hotel. However, the rooms often all look the same and don't come with a lot of service. You get the basic room service, but usually you just check in, stay a while, check out, and many other people make exactly the same experience. Basically it means that extroverts can handle plenty of people as friends, and in general, can have plenty of relationships. Extroverts also call people friends quite quickly, sometimes after only one or two meetings.
It also does not take much effort to check into an extrovert's hotel. It is ideal for other extroverts. They don't care much about the inside anyway, and will soon leave to go to another hotel, then maybe come back for a bit, but then leave again. After all, they are also very busy looking after their own hotel. Extroverts are externally oriented.

It is a bit different when it comes to the introvert. For introverts, the inside - the inner life - is very important, and they put a lot of care into it. Being a friend of an introvert is more like checking into a beautiful spa centre with only very few rooms. The introvert will give special attention to every single guest, and prefers the guests to be loyal "customers". After all, running a high end resort is not an easy job, especially if you would like to make every visitor feel special and cared for. The rooms all have individual decorations, and have been created with the utmost care and love. The introvert doesn't let just anyone enter the rooms that are reserved for friends. In the past, they might have made the experience that those rooms are not treated well by people who do not have sincere intentions, and who are not willing to return the friendship or love that is offered to them. The insides of the rooms are dirtied or even broken. And it takes the introvert time to repair the damage, and then he or she might not be that willing any more to let someone else in.

This can cause issues when introverts become friends with extroverts. The extrovert will enjoy the attention he or she gets from the introvert. The introvert, however, will indeed just feel like another short-term guest, and he/she will feel like the connection wasn't deep enough, and like the extrovert does not care about them at all.

The introvert will also usually keep the rooms reserved, i.e. when a friend leaves, it is not taken by another friend. The room will always be ready for that one person, unless that person decided to never come back. Unfortunately, some people decide to never come back without telling the introvert the truth. The introvert then keeps that room empty until he or she is ready to accept the truth. Again, it might then take a while until he/she is willing to let someone else in.

The extrovert, on the other hand, might not understand why the introvert isn't just moving in and out all the time like his or her other friends. The introvert simply prefers meaningful, deep connections every now and then to superficial connections all the time. An introvert just does not feel too well in a hotel that can sometimes be overcrowded and impersonal. Of course, an extrovert can have a few luxury rooms in his hotel, too, but the introvert often feels like he or she never has a chance to be in one of those rooms.

This does not mean that either way is the wrong way to have friends - it just means that there can be complications, disappointments, and even misunderstandings about friendships when extroverts and introverts become friends.